Wanderlust, California, Selfies and Grief.

Hey Humans!!

How are you? It’s been a while, I know. I hope you’re all well, happy and healthy.

A couple months ago, I was on the FACEBOOK…a place I seldom visit much anymore, and that’s not a humble brag, or a coolness declaration, just a fact about a gal trying to focus her energies off the socials whenever possible…and while doing a little curious lurk and scroll, I saw a post that asked the following paraphrased question…

“Why do people take pictures of themselves and post them…like what’s the point? No really, I’m honestly asking.”

Something else I seldom do anymore? Answer obviously-meant-to-fuss queries like this on FACEBOOK because, as we all know, it almost never goes well and the following fodder usually wraps itself around our worthy time like the tentacles of an octopus that will eventually pull us DOWN DOWN DOWN into the depths of things that don’t really matter…but in THIS case I could not stop myself.

”Sometimes we just think we’re cute. : )”

Within the hour the post was taken down.

I enjoy a selfie. I do. I admit it. When I look cute, I like to honour it. Shoot me. And to be fair to myself, I also post selfies where I look shit…because life is ALL about balance.

Also, as a solo traveller, it’s mostly just me out here…and I like to capture my likeness with things, places, scenery, food that was awesome, books I love and/or moments that give me joy. Which seems fairly harmless, right? I mean, right? It’s just a picture…why does it gotta be so controversial?

So, FACEBOOK person who shall remain nameless, that is my long answer.

Yes humans, I’m out here in the world feeding an attack of the wanderlust that came to a head about two weeks ago.

After my agent and friend Angela passed away, I deeply wanted to drive away from home for a while…but did not. I had some projects to finish and things to procrastinate about…and the only person who could long-term take care of Jolene was away on their own trek…so, I kiboshed the urge.

Then, one night…about the aforementioned two weeks ago…I laid in bed wondering how I could go away, if I should go away,  where I would go away…and how and when I could make it happen.

After I fell asleep, I dreamt of Angela on a beach, waving me onto the sand.

The next morning, I opened my eyes, threw off the covers, walked to my purse and I pulled out my credit card.

I’m in California.

It really is one of my fave places in the world.

And while I’m seeing beloved people along the way…much like my driving trip out to Tofino, or when I drove the Lake Superior route to see Ari in Winnipeg, or when I drove to Manitoulin with Jolene last June…I’m out here alone.

There is quieting that happens inside my soul as I fly along the highway with only my backpack in the passenger seat.

I love it out here on my own.

I really fucking do.

I said this out loud to myself just this morning as I drove to see my friend Anne in Santa Cruz.

Oh, this is us, by the way…

 

 

Make no mistake, there are a number of people who are with me on the phone, on text, on Marco Polo, email, Instagram PMs, and voice messages. Whenever I go off on a hike someone knows, and I message them when I’m out.

But many hours of the day it’s me and my thoughts.

The real inspiration for this trip was a little walk I took with Jolene at Hilton Falls about THREE weeks ago.

I was walking slowly, Jo tethered to a belt around my waist, with my earphones playing me hours 33 to 35 of Barbra Streisand’s memoir and I looked up at the sky and a quiet voice…which I soon recognized to be my own…said…

“Oh, this is how I grieve.”

…a discovery which sank into my chest in a way that was, at the same time, not wholly unpleasant and a strange kind of relief.

This is how I grieve.

This is also how I celebrate and honour.

TWO things at once.

I’ve never felt LIFE IS SHORT so clearly inside the same spot in my chest cavity…sometimes the feeling is urgent and a bit scary and other times the feeling is inspirational…but it’s there, a living, breathing thing.

It’s all wrapped up in this current answer to the WANDERLUST…the Wanderlust with Angela.

Tomorrow, I will drive from a place on the Pacific Coast called Half Moon Bay…I really love it here…to L.A. along the Pacific Coast Highway, which is a bucket list event.

I just sat down here at the little desk in my lovely boutique hotel room which looks out over a golf course, to plot out the places I would like to stop on the way down the coast…and found myself writing this blog and just went with the impulse.

Life…while still being fucking short…is also fun, funny and REALLY likes to do its own thing in it’s own time…and I’m trying to listen to it all.

OH, TBH, I thought my room was facing a field and FAR OFF houses but learned quite quickly it was not as I stood mostly naked looking out the sliding doors at the sunrise and someone drove by in a little cart and waved at me.

Maybe I shoulda taken a selfie of that.

No, INSTEAD, I took pictures of the following…this is me with the sunset tonight…which was spectacular…

 

…and THIS is me trying not to fall off a cliff on my hike yesterday…

 

…and this is me and the Golden Gate Bridge…

 

…and THIS is me and the Golf Course view, a smutty book and a big Diet Coke…don’t tell my naturopath about the last one…

 

…And this is me and my pal John at Laura Benanti’s show at the Nikki Hotel in San Fransisco…

 

…And THIS is the bench that I sat and ate my apple on after I didn’t fall off the cliff…

 

…FUCKING DINER SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS….

 

…and here is collection of the gorgeous views I’ve seen so far…

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m out here for a while longer…who knows what or who I will take a picture of myself with next. : )

Again, I hope you all are well. Thanks for following along.

And take a selfie, for fuck sakes…you look cute, I know it.

S.M. March 16th, 2024

Half Moon Bay, California.