HAPPY PANCAKE TUESDAY. WE MADE IT.

Three years ago this week, having no idea the pandemical shit storm that was coming, I went to Grant and Tim’s house for PANCAKE TUESDAY.

Grant and Tim, who’ve been my friends for years, are creatures of tradition…something I am greatly thankful for.
They always host PANCAKE TUESDAY at their home and I’m always thrilled to be invited.
Besides hosting the Shrove celebration of fluffy pillows of carbs and the lord, Grant and Tim are faithful card senders, and career supporters.
We may not see each other all the time, but when we do, I always go home filled with wonderful homemade food and the milk of human joy…if human joy had a milk…which I think it does.

Oh, I’ve not written in a while because I’ve actually been writing for a living for the last little while, and when you do something as a job…whether it’s joyful or not…it takes a bit of the shine off of doing it just for fun, shits and giggles.
AND though I should take my menopausal ass to bed…a chick who is going through the change should get as much sleep as humanly possible…but I had such a joyous time tonight that I cracked open my IPAD and here we are.

I brought Grant and Tim a bottle of champagne to celebrate all of us living through the last few years and when I arrived at their apartment Grant informed me that we’d not done this traditional dinner in three years…since just before the world shut down.
Though it made total sense, it still seemed too surreal to even ponder.
He reminded me that three years ago, I was just about to go to LA to write…and they were just about to go to Mexico.

I remember that while the three-years-ago night was lovely, I was still very unsettled.
Besides the good food and company, THAT is what I remember most.
At the time, I was coming up on two years alone and my life did not fit me yet…and I really wanted it to…and I silently worried that it might never fit.
I was just waiting for something. I was searching for…something.
I was not even close to sure what…but that February I was not totally INSIDE my life.
Then, after our dinner…which was again, lovely…I ventured off to LA on my own.

For two weeks in California, I wrote, felt very disconnected as well as a bit scared and alone.
I almost came home three times in those two weeks.
The overwhelming feeling and thought was “WHAT the fuck am I doing?”

I had the wherewithal to reach out to my friend Mike back in TO and he sent HIS friend in LA to rescue me, fetching me from the valley and taking me to WEHO to watch Rupaul’s Drag Race at Blazing Saddles.
When my new friend Jeremy drove all the way to Van Nuys in his white convertible BMW to pick me up, he pulled up at the curb, turned to me, pulled off his sunglasses and asked, “Where the fuck are we?”.
Jeremy may live in LA but he’s also from Sudbury which is like the Hamilton of Northern Ontario. We are kindred.

The night that followed was just exactly what I needed.
Like, just fucking EXACTLY what I needed.

Jeremy introduced me to his friend Ross, who within ten minutes of meeting me yelled across the crowded bar, “SHOULD SHAAAAARRON COME TO PALM SPRINGS THIS WEEKEND!?!?”
Then these two men who I barely knew invited me to Palm Springs.
I am not really adventurous when it comes to new people…but this seemed a very intriguing and generous invite.

I texted the following to Mike back in Toronto:

Is it at all possible that Jeremy is a serial killer? He just invited me to Palm Springs.

Mike texted back:

Not a serial killer. GO.

So, I said yes to Palm Springs, as a male exotic type dancer in a g-string, cowboy boots and hat hung from a rope on the ceiling while a million disgusted people BOOED the recently defrocked Sherry Pie who was walking across the TV screens at Blazing Saddles in West Hollywood.

That weekend, I put down my computer and three strangers (Jeremy’s cousin was visiting from Alberta) let me be a part their weekend getaway.

Also, it bears mentioning that about an hour before I got into my rental to drive to Palm Springs, my animated TV show MARY AND FLO ON THE GO got GREENLIT…which was a bit of a breath taker.

Palm Springs was just…it was everything.

This was one of the only pictures I took.

Jeremy, his newly pregnant cousin Melissa and Ross took me out for one of the best evenings I’ve ever had.
No hyperbole.
We went to a steak house that Frank Sinatra’d frequented.
Jeremy paid for my dinner and all the champagne we drank.
I mean.
We were having such a loud good time, the people sitting beside us moved.
We waved them goodbye.

Two days later, from Australia, which is a 16 hour flight away from LA, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson announced that they had COVID-19.
And within four hours we all left Palm Springs.
An hour after we left, I pulled over at a Starbucks between PS and LA and I booked a flight home.

For the next two years I was repeatedly thankful for that last amazing weekend in California.
I’m not sure Jeremy, Ross and Melissa will ever truly know how many nights during the pandemic I held that time as close to my chest as I could.

Then, here I was tonight, three weird and wonderful years later, so thrilled to be attending PANCAKE TUESDAY.

I am in my life.

I am in IT.

I’m always doing my best to not be waiting for anything, but instead consciously working towards something or, even better, IN the flow.
Aware of speed bumps…but in the flow.
Tonight? I was in that room with six fabulous men who I last saw three years ago.
Three years ago when I was still a bit lost…a lot lost…and looking for something.

It was me.

Yeah…I know…a bit trite but totally true.
I was fucking looking for me.
And I was right fucking there the whole time.
Still am.
Still have to remind myself that I am…and that is okay…at least I know.

Sigh, right?

You don’t know till you know…and no one can know it for you.
Steady On.
Patience is not my strong suit, but I’m learning.

I would like to thank all the men I’ve mentioned here, in Toronto and LA…and also Melissa. : )

The ones who I celebrated PANCAKE TUESDAY with…three years ago, and today.

The ones who celebrated my Green Light and helped me when I needed someone to hold onto…who, incidentally, were my dates for the FIVE DAYS AT MEMORIAL premiere last year.

The one who took care of me all the way from TO.

I am a lucky girl.

That is all.

Happy PANCAKE TUESDAY…which I know is a religious thing…but I celebrate the friendship of it…and the pancakes.

UPDATE: AND because life enjoys a full circle moment? This morning that show that got GREEN LIT got a CSA nomination. It’s my first nomination as a producer. STEADY ON, HUMANS.PATIENCE!!!!