My Bullshit, Lost Voices, Red Flags, Dishwashers, Cheaters, Chihuahuas and Your Bullshit.
Thoughts.
You know how I love doing a good round up of thoughts…and I’ve had a FEW lately.
Take them.
Leave them.
Love them.
Hate them.
They are opinions…and you know what they say about opinions?
Pass them on…or something about assholes.
OH, I hope your life is good, humans.
OH,OH…. DO NOT read about MONKEYPOX.
Just don’t. Take it from me. It’s just…well, don’t.
Maybe take a meander through my thoughts instead…and I hope they inspire some of your own.
And yes, there is a lot of dog content coming up…you might say I was inspired to celebrate her awesome presence in my life…if you keep reading, you will see part-of the why.
1. THEY ARE NOT YOUR HYPE PERSON. If someone makes small of your feelings, or something that makes you happy, or feel accomplished about, or makes you proud, or of something that you love? They are NOT in your corner.
Full stop.
Do no pass go…you know the rest of it.
Read that again.
2. SLOW, STEADY, CAUTIOUS WINS THE RACE. My dog just ran into the bathroom and got a hanging towel in the eye. She yelped (as do many chihuahuas) ran to me, and jumped in my lap for some comfort, and I happily gave it to her, hoping that she was fine. She was.
In the next ten minutes I learned two things…
A) I am her source of comfort and safety…and it humbles me.
B) She is smarter than most of us. After it was clear she could walk it off and continued to play, when I threw her ball and it landed near the towel…she still went after it, but went slowly towards it, no matter how fast the ball was flying. We could all learn from her. Like, so much.
3.FUCK IT, WHO CARES IT ANY OF THEM GET CLEAN. Some days the greatest rebellion is stacking the dishwasher like a husband. Yeah, I said it.
4.BACK ON THE BULLSHIT. I really’ve begun to love when people, memes or social media state that someone is BACK ON THEIR BULLSHIT. I feel that…I feel that when I do things like scream at people inside my car where they cannot hear me, buy things from OLD NAVY online for no apparent reason other than I fucking like the things, add more than 1/3 of a cup of peanuts to a salad or yogurt parfait like a fucking boss, not listen to people when they tell me how to A) Train my dog B) Walk my dog C) Talk to my dog D) Clothe my dog E) Treat my dog. I have to constantly remind myself that we ALL have our own bullshit, and I will be on mine and I will mind mine and remind myself that I’m NOT responsible or have to take on SOMEONE ELSE’S BULLSHIT. You mind your bullshit…I will mind mine. NAMASTÉ.
5. DOG TALES. Speaking of BULLSHIT…I was “seeing” a guy (and I use that word VERY loosely) on and off for over two years. More off than on. We weren’t meant to be together…but a pandemic is a funny thing, right? When one of us was frustrated by their aloneness, we contacted each other to chat. And let me say here, he’s a good guy. A decent guy. But there were…there were…hmm…red flags for compatibility. Yeah. That’s it. But red flags can get blown away during a pandemic…or at 3:00am.
ANYHOW, he contacted me again just recently, after a long break, commenting on how it looked like I’d really taken to being a dog owner, or so it seemed on my INSTAGRAM.
I answered with one simple question…”Do you like dogs?”.
After a little while, I got back paragraphs and paragraphs about his feelings on dogs…which is fine, I asked, right? BUT what really raised the final red flag on this pandemic friendship was his proclamation that he was astounded by people who spent more love on their dogs than humans, or more time on their dogs than on the human condition…who bought clothes for their dogs and lavished gifts and money on their pooches. I read the numerous paragraphs a couple of times and they gave me great paws because if you follow me on the INSTAGRAM (and please do, I LOVE the INSTAGRAM @sharronmatthews) you will see that I have TONS of pictures on my FEED of my Jolene wearing, among many other things, a purple and pink super fleece (she’s adorable in it), a snow suit (she’s from TEXAS and would not go outside in the snow…and she’s adorable in it), a raincoat…I mean…look at her…
and since he seemed to ascertain my “taking to being a dog owner” from my INSTAGRAM…I can only imagine that he felt NO compunction about expressing his feelings towards me about my dog-dotage in the aforementioned texts. He also further mansplained to me about how destructive dogs can be…and gross.
You know what?
A simple “No, I’m not too fond of dogs” would have sufficed, right?
I waited for a moment…then I started to write, stopped, and waited for an hour…then I wrote back something like this:
Me: You know, we are all different. I love my dog…unabashedly…she’s amazing. In the past I’d never had the cash to have this much fun with my dog, and I’m really enjoying it. For the record, if I had the choice between a dog and a child, I would choose a dog every time…which is not a read on you…but can you imagine if you asked me if I liked kids and I wrote the basically the same thing back to you about kids?
What I didn’t write…something he will never read because, unbelievably, after two years, he still has never read anything I’ve written (red flag…say whatever you want or think whatever you want…but RED FLAG)… is that I would actually choose my dog over most dudes.
True story.
Jolene is a fucking joy…and she doesn’t cheat, steal stuff, emotionally terrorize, mansplain to me, or try to stay in my bed when it’s fairly, kindly clear I would like to sleep in my bed alone, sometimes…actually, most times.
She’s always allowed up in the morning, don’t freak.
And if #5 keeps me single, WELL, THEN THERE WE GO!!! SINGLE IT IS!!!
AND AND…after telling me he didn’t understand my stance, he DIDN’T write back.
(Shrugs)
6. SPRING FORWARD. Cleaning out my closets of the clothes I NEVER wear, wish I fit into, hoped to fit into some day, feel like I should keep because the piece was expensive…is brain scrubbing. Start anew. Have I worn it in two years? Or a year even? NO!?!GOOOOOO!!!! IT’S JUST CLOTHES!!! Clothes fit us…not the other way around. BYE.
7.PLEASE DO SOMETHING, LADY. I’ve been getting up between these thoughts to throw the ball for Jo, to the bathroom from my desk (it’s the longest straight line in my apartment) and after being ginger with the towel for a number of times, she finally just sat on the mat until I took the towel down and folded it on the toilet seat. You gotta respect that.
8. AND SPEAKING OF BATHROOMS… For the last two months, I’ve been working on (voicing a character on) a really wonderful new animated TV series (info TO FOLLOW) and after my super fun session today (I really do love doing it SO VERY MUCH) I was tempted by the bathroom as I left the session, because I’m 53 and should always take the chance to go, when I can. This was in the bathroom in the studio…and it made me bark laugh…after I’d peed, thank god.
9. SALUTING THE WOMEN AND MEN WHO GRIN AND BEAR WITH IT GROSSNESS FOR THE LITTLE HUMANS. I cannot even tell you how happy and grateful I am to have good friends. Really good friends. Among this small but mighty bouquet of awesome humans, is my DEAR friend Patricia, who I’ve been walking the same road with for the past few years, and I get great comfort from our chats, emails, messages, memes, and the MARCO POLOS that we send to each other.
SIDEBAR: I sent her the following thought without her name attached, and she told me I could add her name…which we talked about a lot, and BOTH think owning what-is is part of the healing process. Hiding in the shadows, holding onto a truth like it’s shameful is, well, it’s fucking heavy. I just want you all to know, she knows I wrote this…and felt strong feeling about being named. END OF SIDEBAR
Patricia also had a husband that was unfaithful, and I will say AGAIN it’s a real shit road, people…A REAL SHIT ROAD and you don’t GET IT unless you get it…so to have someone GET it, is a gift.
One of the things I feel great relief about, on my particular road, is that I don’t have to talk to my ex.
Ever.
It’s also really a gift. I believe it’s easier to heal when you can distance yourself from the person who hurt you…who betrayed your trust.
Again, it’s always been dogs over kids for me…so, I’ve not had to continue to raise a child with a person who betrayed my trust and/or made me feel foolish about that trust.
She HAS to see her ex, and see him all the time, because they do indeed share a kid…and sometimes, I just cannot imagine what it’s truly like for her…because she barely even comments about it.
We DO talk about it, and both know acknowledge that it’s hard for her…but she doesn’t really dwell or wallow in it.
I cannot imagine what it’s like for her brave warrior spirit to co-parent a child with someone who cheated on her…and to have to continue to try to be cordial to that someone.
I CANNOT IMAGINE.
SHE IS A FUCKING STAR.
SO PROPS TO ALL THE HUMANS out there who have to bite their tongues till they’re raw, swallowing their metaphorical tongue blood and REAL pain, while they continue to create a stable life and world for their children.
You are truly doing the hard shit.
11. AND SPEAKING OF VOICES…One of the reasons I chose to get myself in front of a live audience this June is because I’d drifted away from cabaret…well, because I found that I wasn’t enjoying it anymore…and I wanted to see if I still could find the joy or maybe find NEW joy in expressing myself with my voice and with my stories.
Truth.
About six years ago, I clocked that it was not fun anymore.
I talked about this a bit on my INSTAGRAM but the work became sadly ill fitting and I’m not sure if it was because I was mostly alone on the road, because I monetized something that I loved so much or because, unbeknownst AND knownst to me, my marriage was imploding…but it was not good for me anymore…or a combination of all these things…so I stopped…I stopped and I eventually surrendered to the fact that I might not go back to it again.
As I move forward in my life, I want to do things that make me happy and excited…and everything I’m doing creatively right now is making me happy and excited…even if it’s a bit fraught, sometimes…which is art, am I right?
But last year, on my trip to Tofino, I started singing along in the car with my playlists…which I’ve not done in about the same six years.
Also, it bears mentioning here that six years ago, I was constantly in a fight to not lose my voice.
I was hoarse almost all the time…even when I wasn’t singing.
I went to all the specialists and to vocal coaches…they all agreed that there was nothing wrong with my chords or my body in relation to singing, that they could see…and yet, still I continued to fight for my voice.
So, I began to go inward…I stopped singing with the radio, or just for joy…I only used my voice to work…and when I did, it was not a pleasant experience.
My confidence in my instrument was low. Very low.
Which was devastating, because I’d spent a LIFETIME being so free with my voice…and safely pushing it’s limits constantly.
As I worked on my divorce, I went to see a speech pathologist, and he told me this was an often told tale. He told me the struggle, the hoarseness, was a result of holding my literal voice in check…my words…my emotions…my thoughts…and trying to be creative around all that binding…so, it was no surprise that I’d struggled.
Then, quite magically, my voice started to reappear…but by then, I’d happily moved on from cabaret and live work.
And here we are.
I’ve been working on The Year I Learned to Skate…Again, a show in development, for the last couple of months…and quite enjoying it.
I was gun shy when I started to use my voice and memorize my own words…but I constantly, kindly remind myself that I am living a new life. This is a new now.
I struck out the thinks I didn’t want to say, I didn’t write to be funny on purpose, I didn’t try to be “clever”, I let my voice find it’s way without pushing it, I close my eyes and let my words and sounds slowly form in my throat.
It’s a bit of a transformative experience I’m allowing myself.
I’ve not learned a cabaret in my new place…or learned new songs in years.
It feels…almost comfortable.
And this makes me smile.
So, it’s about thirty to thirty five minutes long…there are songs by the Beatles, The Chicks and Brandi Carlisle…and I’ve not written or performed like this before…whatever that means.
If you wanna come to a park near you on June 5th, 7th or 9th…or come and see me in with other acts on June 11th and 12th at High Park…CLICK HERE!!!
I would love to have you along for the ride.
12. PUTTING ON THE RITZ..I KNOW…I COULD NOT STOP MYSELF. I left this list unpublished on my computer, got myself dressed up, and went out with a group of ladies that I’ve not seen in a couple years. We went to THE RITZ for cocktails, the truffle fries and some dessert. I was SO happy to see them, to see PEOPLE. After two years of the pandy, I have some mental health that needs attending when it comes to human interaction…and it was attended so beautifully there at THE fancy RITZ tonight. As I got ready, I kept stepping in front of Jolene and asking her what she thought, and she wagged her tail every time. THAT is girls supporting girls.
13. JOLENE, JOLENE, JOLENE THE DOG. Yes, indeed, as previously mentioned, I talked a lot about Jolene because she is THE SHIT. Here is a picture of her BACK ON HER BULLSHIT…which is smiling and being awesome…just because. She has her own dedicated INSTAGRAM. Yes, she does.@jolenejolenejolenethedog
Be well, humans…and let’s ALL mind our bullshit. : )
May 21st, 2022 – Toronto, ON
S.M.
As always, thanks for following along. I will say again, I post these for at least a day before I promo them. During that day, I refine them. So, if you are a subscriber and your are interested, you will see the transformation if you come back. Sometimes I think better of things I’ve said (Truly), or I add things, take things away…a bunch of things happen before I promo it. So, if you want to see it first? Subscribe to my WEBSITE!! Fill in the little box below! All the best to you, humans!!
Great post! Always look forward to your musings. I was one of those people who had to smile and bite their tongue as I shared custody of a daughter with my ex. Some days were way harder than others. Many many tears in private. He passed away during the pandemic and I felt very bad…..for my daughter. Not for him. And as far as Jolene is concerned…..you can dress her Met Gala cast offs forever….I get such a kick out of her outfits and your pleasure in outfitting her! She is so delightful. We have 2 rescue doggies who are very old now, (12 and 14)…..and I started following that Niagara Rescue place you post on fb…….I explained to them that they were definitely not being replaced….I was just being pro-active……
This message gave me so much joy. full stop.
Oh Sharron: I so love following you and Jolene on Instagram . Being a dog person as well, my Shit zu mix Pug is my little shit! Willy picks out people on the street on our walks to see if they will stop and talk to us, mostly him. He’s very friendly & sometimes a dog just gives people a reason to SMILE or talk to me. Penned my calendar for the dates you’ll be performing. Hoping I can take in a trip to the park, **shhh, I’ve only been there once**. I just got back into play the guitar, **was a gift to me by family for Christmas**. I am just starting to find my voice again while playing with the guitar. It’s been over 30 years since I picked up one. Not at the point where I can “sing like nobody’s watching” But I do try. Dolly Parton’s Jolene is in my song book, well before you got Jolene, Jolene, Jolene the dog. You always give me inspirations to keep at something that I don’t know how to do. Keep smiling, singing and throw that ball for Jolene!! HUGS!
This is some lovely. Thank you for writing Debby!! Xo
Animals over people every time!!
Just having an animal twitter account let’s me interact with thousands of people I do not feel comfortable doing in real life. I can be a total cheerleader as a cat and no one questions it. I can act out too, nothing. Quite freeing. And also never about me.
Anyway, loved reading this. Took me a while too, because life is stupid busy, and stupid and busy, but i made time and a cuppa and had a delve into your brain. Which I love!!
You still are one of the most inspirational women I know. And I’m not blowing smoke. I just love your whole vibe… your honesty, vunerability, strength, whole attitude..(I am borrowing some bits of it too, as I need to start going outside and doing the people thing again. Be More Sharrrron!!!!!)
Anyway.. thank you. Keep being you, it really is the best.
SUPER STALKER SNOW SKATES!! Thank you. Thank you for reading and for writing. Xoxo