Mooses, Not Horses or Bears. Oh, Yes. – ECSTATICALLY ALONE TOUR

Today?
I saw a moose, that I thought (on first sight) was a bear.
Then?
When I got little closer, I thought it couldn’t be that magical a moment…so, I decided it had to be a horse.
Then when I was right beside the creature? I saw that it was TWO moose. Mooses. Moose.
Anyhow, there were TWO of them!

As I drove away, I thought to myself, “Sharron, don’t decide something is NOT magical, CANNOT be magical, before you actually get close enough to see what the thing actually is and let the decision make itself.”
I don’t know if that makes sense to you? But it does to me.

I think it’s possible that we overlook magic many times a day, siting common sense,  and maybe…maybe trying not to end up disappointed.

Sidebar: I might have been trying for a Rupi Kaur kind of thought…but I’m too road weary to put in the brain work. You get the picture, right?
End of Sidebar.

AND soon after THAT thought, I saw a freaking deer.

Then? Before I knew it, I was comfy, in a hotel bed, watching Ocean’s Eleven, and eating a superior (lol) spinach salad.

Yes indeed, magic comes in all shapes and sizes…if you’re watching, staying aware and remaining grateful.
Thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. : )

Also, today I realized that I’m at the point in my periomenopausal journey where I have the air conditioning on in the car, while I have the seat warmer turned to half.
What are you going to do but embrace the suck, right?

Also, also, I realized today…in a brutally stark moment of truth (not of magic)….. that it’s possible that periomenopause is the time that women start to talk about the state of their bodies all the time.

Fucking ug.

And I fucking get it.

Let’s move past that thought, and let me tell you that it was a truly wonderful drive today…hard, but good.
WE drove over seven hours and the minutes seemed to move by VERY slowly…but luckily some of the most beautiful views in Ontario were all around me, as they crept by.

And, at the very least, we were fairly well rested.

Yesterday, Ari and I slept in (after our biblical seven hour drive, we stayed in slumberland for 10 hours) and then, after we finally pried ourselves out of the cute, twin queen beds (much like Lucy and Ricky,  google it, Youngs), we took the rest of the day in the Sault to hike.
Yes!
EVEN in THE RAIN!!
WE HIKE!!
So, around 1:30pm, Ari and I found ourselves standing, holding onto our hats for dear life, at the very top of Gros Caps Bluff, a wonderful hiking/climbing path, just outside of Sault Ste. Marie.

Did you notice how I said hiking/CLIMBING path?

Gros Caps Bluff has beautiful, rugged, pointy, sharp rock faces on which you can do a little something I like to call hand-over-fist (calm down and clean it up, people) hiking, which is really CLIMBING.
Like this rock face:

Yes, up there, in the brush…you can hike around…RIGHT!?!?!

While I’m usually fine with climbing (SLOWLY), yesterday, it was rainy (wet rocks and roots) and windy (I lost my hat and Ari ran after it…god bless him…to be fair, after it flew off and went end-over-end into a bush, I considered it gone…and Ari decided it was NOT gone and ran into said bush…again, god bless him)…so, it was all round VERY blustery and maybe not the best situation for crawling around on pointy, shiny, sharp, beautiful rocks.

You can see the bluster, right?

As we stood at the top of the bluffs, the wind blowing through our outstretched arms as we pretended we were in the Titanic movie, we considered our options
Don’t forget, we were filled with 10 hours of sleep, so were were feeling a bit cocky, and decided to be brave.
We decided on some downward hand-over-fisting (again, clean up your minds)…so, we walked to the top of the paths overlooking Lake Superior, and gingerly started our descent.
And, oh yes, it was steep…steeper than we expected.
And windier then it seemed up top.
About fifteen minutes (ten…it was ten minutes, liar) down…I stopped, holding onto a tree, and said

BINGO

…which, incidentally, is my hiking safe word.
BINGO is also the word I use with Ari when I am HANGRY, OVERTIRED, OVERSTIMULATED…and/or see someone with a lovely behind.
It’s an ALL purpose word, really.

So, we scrambled back up,  and made our way down another way…an easier way…

…and at the bottom, we found a little place on the shore to have a sit, eat some deli meat (thanks Debi Weinberg), enjoy the view, have a laugh or two…and stand in rocks, looking quite rugged.

It was a lovely day of hiking, the perfect way to start the big trip.
We even went to another conservation area and walked around to see another view…which was equally as lovely.

One of the more interesting parts of today, was at the end of the day, I drove by a sign on the TransCanada Highway, proclaiming a town called Hurkett.
I laughed when I saw it…which was a surprise.
You see, back in the olden days, my ex and I took a number of cross Canada road trips on this very route, and we drove by this sign in our old white Honda every time (obviously).
The first time we went by, back when we were super young, he made a stupid joke about the name of this town, a joke that became part of our couple language for many years.
Three years ago, on my last drive this way (my first alone) simply seeing this sign made me so mad I had to pull over at a Tim’s, get a peppermint tea, take a deep breath, and consider the thought that I may never be able to drive one of my favourite routes in the world…and make it my own…a thought which bled straight into a lot of other things I really like in my life, that I found or loved during my long marriage.
AND this time?

I fucking laughed. Not huge. It was more like a chortle. But still…there was levity.

I have to say, it was nice and refreshing to not be angry…but to laugh, because the stupid joke WAS funny…and to feel totally relaxed within myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want that man anywhere near me ever again and it wasn’t a brilliantly hysterical joke…but it’s kind of lovely to have some of my nice memories back, in passing…and feel my life move onward.
Two things can be true at once.
You can honour your past, people, without having to like all that happened in it.
Healing is a weird and winding road, my friends.

You know what else?
I was putting together a Spotify list for this trip…and as I looked through the songs on my ON REPEAT feature to populate this new list, I thought to myself

Me: I need some new songs. It’s time to change the soundtrack…my future should have a new soundtrack…the songs from the past can become memories now.

Unhooked.
Moving forward.
Again, healing, growing, and moving can be soooo quiet…like magic, miracles and small joys…you have to stay awake inside yourself, to see the changes…and celebrate them.

Oh yes, I’m going to keep reaching for my Rupi Kaur-ness. Unabashedly.

OH, and tonight, before I hunkered down with Ocean’s Eleven, Ari and I were watching a true crime show about a mother-in-law. who lived in a place called Snellsville, who dressed up in disguise, and murdered her daughter-in-law.
Chilling, right?
The most remarkable part of this terrible tale…and, you will agree, it’s already pretty remarkable at origin…was that someone who witnessed it gave a description to a crime artist and they caught the mother-in-law, from this picture:

 

Me: Did the police time travel, to question a young Burton Cummings?

Which is a, just to be clear, is not only funny, BUT a locally relevant joke.

YES, NOW, THAT’S A JOKE.

Ari and I were inconsolable.
In.
Con.
SolAble.
To be clear again, we were mostly laughing at the actual picture…not the joke or the event. Neither thing is that funny, or funny at all, obviously.

What a day. Magical, indeed.

P.S. I am not sure how often I will be writing, but this seems like a good journal so,  beloved subscriber,  if you open your morning emails and see me a lot, I hope you don’t hate me too much
I will NOT be promoting the posts all the time…so if you wanna follow and are not YET a beloved subscriber, enter your email, and become one  below.
Again, I will be active on my INSTAGRAM at @sharronmatthews

Have a good day, warriors.