Sharron, Take The Wheel…(this is really a story about Perimenopause…)
1:45pm Today
I’m driving down Gerrard Street, with a mirror in my trunk that looked way better in the picture on FaceBook Marketplace.
Why didn’t I just tell the seller it wasn’t worth $60?
Yes, I paid $60 for it.
You wanna know WHY I didn’t say anything, WHY I just handed her the money and sprinted back to my car with the not-so-great mirror?
I have to pee so bad, that I don’t have time for any extra fuckery.
I’m AT LEAST 30 minutes from my home, in possession of a fifty-two year old perimenopausal bladder filled with water…so much water that even my sides hurt from holding it in…SO I just decided that the $60 was worth me not peeing my pants….in public.
AS I mull over the mirror in my almost pee-filled mind’s eye, I hit every red light in the history of red lights…and I spring to a level SEVEN STRESSED, and in answer my perimenopausal heart flutters (4 Holter Monitors – one for two weeks, 3 echo cardiograms, 4 EKG’s, and two stress tests later, my wonderful cardiologist says for the 3rd time that this “nervous heart” is part of my “transition of life” journey…and that it isn’t a big deal):
BACK IN TIME, SIX MONTHS….
Fancy Cardiologist (who is a really nice man): If you stop any drinking, also try not to be too stressed, get the right amount of sleep…and eat well…it might back off a bit…but it might not…it SHOULD pass when you get through menopause…which still might be a while away. The most important thing you should know, is that there is nothing sinister about it…it’s just scary.
Me: Wait. There is nothing you can do about it? And can I still work out, hike and live the way I want to? I’m pretty active.
Fancy Cardiologist: I could give you medication, but I would rather not…it would be just so it wouldn’t scare you. Also, yes, you can exercise as much as you want. Please do…it will help. Don’t change anything…but the maybe the drinking, the stress, get the sleep…but, again, it’s not sinister…
He keeps saying sinister. This alarms me, ironically.
Fancy Cardiologist: …it’s just part of life.
Me: …but periomenopause is ALL about NOT being able to get the right amount of sleep…and there is the extra anxiety that pops up for no apparent reason…and the sweats, which makes me even more anxious…and who would not want to have a drink because of it!?!? Also, I feel like this is my fault because of my weight…even though I work out all the time…I feel like…well, I feel like this is my punishment for my size…which is more of a THERAPIST kind of deal…but I wanted to say it outloud, while I have your ear.
Fancy Cardiologist: You aren’t being punished. This happens to so many people…not just women. I know…it’s not intuitive, this body change…it makes not a lot of sense. And yes, you could lose some weight, Heck, I need to lose some weight…but it won’t make a difference to the palpitations, really. I’m sorry I don’t have a better alternative for you. You can come back anytime you want, if you start feeling scared or worried…I can put you on the monitor again…but, I see this all the time in women your age.
HOW VERY DARE YOU.
I sit quietly for a moment.
Me: I think I will try a naturopath…maybe a naturopath can help me out…maybe.
Fancy Cardiologist: Why not? Who knows? Everyone has their own journey with this…and, again, you can come back to me ANYTIME you want…but remember…
Me: …it’s not sinister. Got it.
1:47pm Today
And yet, every time my heart flutters, I have to remind myself that I’m not going to die.
Every.
Single.
Time.
And every time I have a palpitation, I have to remind myself over and over again that 18.6 to 46.8 percent of women have them during perimenopause.
EVERY.
Single.
Fucking.
Time.
Fuck off. Fuck me. Just fuck.
SIDEBAR:
I cannot tell you HOW MANY women I have talked to who have had the same experience with the Holter Monitor and been told that there is nothing wrong.
Nothing.
Hearts racing, beating, booopety booms beating…and fluttering.
Nothing.
And these women…us women…have had to forge their own scary path from there.
And they/we don’t want to talk about it, for fear of anyone thinking they/we really have a serious heart problem…and then won’t hire them/us.
The fury…the sadness…the resign.
Which is why I decided to talk about it here…because…well, it’s a really scary thing.
But it is a true thing. AND I believe that we can learn to co-exist with this anomaly and take care of it.
I am no doctor…but I see how meditation, food, anxiety, yoga, lack of sleep, abundance of sleep, exercise and stress can really change how often it arrives and leaves.
And it’s not without a lot of consideration that I write it ALL down here, believe me.
But I’ve had them in some way or another for five years…or more.
I wish the heart (in all it’s forms and fears) was addressed WAY more in the peri-journey…the only person who has been truly future thinking and talks like I’m not totally obsessed is my naturopath…oh, and my therapist.
AND OTHER WOMEN.
So.
ALSO, IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT’S MORE OR YOU ARE REALLY FUCKING SCARED ABOUT IT? KEEP ON YOUR HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS.
The heart journey of women is HIGHLY misunderstood, it seems…even by the medical profession.
Steps off the soapbox.
END OF SIDEBAR
I bump along the Gardiner, past an accident that I TRY not to shake my fist at (I mean, Sharron…get a grip) and jiggle back and forth in my seat.
I’m not going to make it.
JESUS LORD…YOU’RE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.
SHARRON, You are going to pee you pants in your FUCKING CAR….you LOSER.
There are three people trying to drive the body that is Sharron right now:
1. The Twelve Year Old who has no context of adult things and is fairly sure that everything will kill us…even pee.
2. The Twenty Year Old who just ENOUGH context to KNOW she should be terrified and feels like the entire world is against her…conspiring to wreck any goodness she has managed…and is ALSO fairly certain everything will kill us…probably pee.
3. The Fifty Two Year Old who has worked for a good number of years on healing, who has a wise mind…and tries valiantly to be in it, who knows she can take care of herself, who has been meditating for almost an hour daily for six months, who has cut out sugar and dairy under the tutelage of her trusted naturopath who is trying to help her take her body back from 52 years of living…and the perimenopause…who knows a little pee won’t kill her and who is winning most days…except…
EXCEPT WHEN SHE HAS TO REEEAAAAALLLLLLYYY FUCKING PEE.
AND SHE HAS TO REALLY FUCKING PEE ALL THE TIME BECAUSE WATER HELPS THE FUCKING HEART PALPITATIONS…AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT IS BEING 52, REALLY.
AND WHEN I HAVE TO PEE LIKE THIS? The Twelve Year Old and the Twenty Two Year Old totally take the wheel.
SIDEBAR:
Two of these SAME Sharrons inside me, like to tell me to LOOK at my ex’s social media…and then they tell me to call someone to tell me to NOT look at his social media…and the eldest me yells out…
Me: I AM FIFTY-TWO YEARS OLD!!! TELL YOURSELF, SHARRON.
…and I DO tell myself…and I don’t look…because I am a badass.
Just to be clear.
END of SIDEBAR
FUCCCCCCCCCK.
FUCKING FUCKEDY FUCKING FUCK.
As I come to another traffic snarl, I can feel the pee trying to make an entrance…and I squeeze, till my sides hurt more, and tears come to my eyes and I scream at the top of lungs into my empty car:
ME: WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYTHING SO FUCKING HARD!! I DON’T EVEN WANT THIS FUCKING MIRROR!! WHYTHEFUCKISEVERYTHINGSOHARD!!!!!!!
AND I start to make the sounds and body machinations of crying without really crying…for some reason I cannot even CLOSE to fathom.
And because my body knows I have made it to the underground parking? THAT I am dangerously close to my home…it decides, as it usually does, to make it’s need to pee more pronounced.
More fake crying follows, along with the screaming of…
Me: NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. FUCKING NO. PLEASE DON’T DO THIS TO ME!!!! PLEASE…FOR FUCK SAKES!!!!! LET ME RETAIN SOME DIGNITY, HERE!!!!!!
…and I’m trying to slowly manuver the treacherous turns of a Toronto underground parking garage while bouncing up and down in the driver’s seat.
I don’t really know WHO I’m pleading with…I can only imagine that it’s me…some other part of me that knows better…the smart one, who might have tried to pee ONE MORE TIME before I left.
I managed to back the car…why the fuck did I do that?…why didn’t I go in head first?….into my spot…and I grab my bag and stand outside the door of my car for at least three minutes, with my legs clutched so tightly together, that I think I made a diamond.
When the pee wave pulls back out…like just before a Tsunami…I walk/run towards the elevator with my legs moving ONLY from the knee down.
Me (under my breath, but with the intensity of a fire in the mouth of hell) : FUCK. FUCK. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.
I hit the elevator button and start to count, because it seems to calm me a bit…one, two, three…I get to THIRTY before it arrives.
I get in on P3.
It stops on P2.
Just before the door opens, when it becomes horrifically clear that it’s going to stop, THIS just pops out of my mouth…
Me: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!
When the door opens, a woman of about 25 is standing in front of it…staring at me with fear in her eyes. Which is the only part of her face that I can see, because of the mask…which is probably a good thing.
Me: Did you hear that, too? Who the fuck was that?
And then I pull my legs together tighter.
She enters, hits her floor, and stands as far from me as possible…for which I do not blame her one whit.
We ride many, many, many more floors in silence, till it opens on my floor and I run out of the elevator, towards my door.
The key slides into the lock, thankfully, and I run through the door, not even caring if it is open behind me, pulls down my tights as I go…and when I finally get to sit…I cry like a baby.
Why?
Why is everything so hard?
Perimenopause.
Something I didn’t even know existed before it happened to me.
When I had my first chest flutter, kind of like my breath was being taken away, over five years ago, I went to my doctor and told her I was dying of something.
When I told her that I was also getting the alzhiemers to boot…she told me that she would get some tests…but she was pretty sure that I was starting perimenopause.
What the fuck is that?
I’m pretty sure I said fuck, too.
She said it was the period before menopause…the period that sometimes is misdiagnosed AS menopause…and can last up to…
10 years.
I’m sorry, what?
What?
WHAT!?!?!
WHATTTTTTT!?!?
I went home and looked up perimenopause on the google.
The first article was titled:
Perimenopause: Rocky road to menopause
I mean.
And it went downhill from there.
Like….way downhill.
WHAT are the 34 Symptoms of PERIMENOPAUSE?
34?!?!?
Thirty-fucking-four?
The Twelve Year Old inside of me SCREAMS:
SHE/ME: THIS IS IT!! THIS IS WHAT’S GOING TO KILLS US! THIS!?!? WE ARE GOING FROM THE INSIDE OUT!!!
Fifty Two Year Old Me tells EVERYONE inside to calm down…I need to read…I can’t do it with all that yelling.
Okay, then…what are the 34 symptoms of menopause?
1. IRREGULAR PERIODS
2. HOT FLUSHES (like a furnace…inside of you…on high)
3. VAGINAL DRYNESS (Ew)
4. NIGHT SWEATS
5. MOOD SWINGS (You don’t say)
6. BLOATING
7. SORE BREASTS
8. WEIGHT GAIN (Fuck Off)
9. CHANGES IN LIBIDO (passes out)
10. HEADACHES (comes to, because she has a headache)
11. PAIN IN JOINTS (this is true and gross)
12. ELECTRIC SHOCKS (I’m sorry, what?)
13. BURNING TONGUE (I’m sorry, what, what?)
14. PROBLEMS WITH GUMS (this is also true…and gross)
15. DIGESTIVE ISSUES (this is huge…huge)
16. DRY AND ITCHY SKIN (glamourous)
17. ANXIETY (1 out of 3 will experience this…or, more likely…3 out of 3)
18. TINGLING SENSATION IN THE EXTREMITIES (yes, yes, yes)
19. SLEEPING DIFFICULTIES (this is almost the worst)
20. DIFFICULTIES IN CONCENTRATION (Still Alice.We all think we are Still Alice. GOOGLE IT)
21. DIZZINESS (even more than usual?)
22. FATIGUE
23. LOSS OF HAIR (sweet jesus)
24. MEMORY LAPSE (see what number?…oh ya…. #20)
25. BRITTLE NAILS
26. TIGHT MUSCLES
27. STRESS INCONTINENCE (see entire beginning of this story)
28. CHANGES IN BODY ODOUR (no ma’am. No)
29. IRRITABILITY (see #27 and then the entire beginning of this story)
30. ALLERGIES
31. IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT (weepppppppsssssssss)
32. DEPRESSION (but why?)
33. PANIC DISORDER (fer fuck)
34. OSTEOPOROSIS (I have nothing for this but….fuck)
Fuck.
Fuck.
After I read that list, I went to bed.
It was early afternoon.
Five years later, here I am.
With four failed attempts at the well known, twelve period-free months before menopause behind me.
I’ve gone four months, then seven months, another seven months, then eight and a half months…and when it came at the end of that eight and a half months, I was at work, so I went to the lovely ladies I worked with and asked them who was having their period and when they ALL said they were, I nodded at them, and thanked them for dragging me out of my latest try at the full twelve perimenopausal months, went to the bathroom and did some deep breathing.
What a thing.
Just now, I am at seven hopeful months.
I pray that the aloneness of the pandemic might help this and therefore be the only benefit.
Every once in a while…read: A LOT…I sit back in my symptoms and lament that I truly feel like I just got my life back…a good, meaningful, creative, exciting and almost worry-free life…and now I’m inside this change of life, shit show…and it…well, it frustrates me to no end.
I try very hard not to feel sorry for myself…but it’s challenging some days.
My doctor told me that the stress involved in the first year after the end of my marriage probably REALLY kicked me into all the symptoms…like at least twenty-four of them.
Delightful, right?
Then last summer, after the Great Solstice BACKYARD Bonfire of 2020, I got my first REAL heart palpitation, not one of those tiny heart flutters…but a really BOOMPTY BOOM BOOM BOOM…and I went to the doctor and rode both her and my NEW cardiologist HARD, like a part time job.
After I told them that the palpitation happened after I had a bonfire, in the 32 degree heat, and burned all the remnants of my marriage, and then had a really hot bath…they BOTH politely said that there might have been a few triggers.
Now, I’m using food, meditation, stretching, joy, exercise, therapy and supplements to take care of ALL the symptoms…which is actually the gift of all this.
At least, that is what I have decided.
I am really self-caring the hell out of myself.
When I start to feel like I’m riding ANY of those symptoms too hard…I know I need more sleep, more relaxation, more water, and less crap…emotionally and physically.
But the pee, you guys.
The pee.
There seems to be no way around it.
You gotta drink water…and 52 year old women have to pee…a lot.
I do wish we were less afraid to talk about these symptoms.
I wish I had just known more about it…it would not have all been so scary at the beginning.
I also wish that I would not have tried to just muscle through it for so long.
Women do that a lot…and we should not have to…we DON’T have to.
AND, lastly, I wish I would have sought help earlier…but here we are. Better late than never, right?
Now, I have my GP, my cardiologist, my therapist, my naturopath and my pharmacist working together, pretty much.
They are my perimenopausal team.
You read that RIGHT!
I have a FRIGGEN TEAM.
That is what one article called the group of healthcare professionals that lead you into you power years…YOUR POWER YEARS…and I really dig it.
I do hope some guys read this and realize what a shit show this is for us…I really do.
Okay, now that I have finally peed, and written about it like an actor who thinks everyone cares, I’m going to go ride this angst off.
And drink more water.
I mean, fuck.
I just tried to spell check this document and found this…we have a ways to go, people…
AND P.S. I lost 2 subscribers after this essay…BECAUSE I WROTE THE WORD PEE 100 times. To each their own!! xoxoxo BUT YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE…to pick up the slack…..If you wanna subscribe to my BLOG…fuck, I hate that word…just scroll down and SUBSCRIBE…yes, down there on the lower right hand side. I put these essays up…and then promo them the next day…so you will see them first, if that appeals to you. Also, if you are digging what you read? Please pass it on! I mean…why not? It’s FREE!!
AND P.P.S. DEAR WARRIOR WOMEN, Your comments on this? Are giving me LIFE!!!!! I am so glad I wrote this DOWN!!!! xoxoxo
AND P.P.P.S There is a wonderful lady named Sally out there who mentioned this one integral and missed symptom…but one word…FLATULENCE. Jesus Lord in the Sky and the Bunnies.
Thank you, thank you. I feel you, I see you, I hear you. All the fuckery. Signed, 52 year old who wants to get to flippin’ menopause already. For the love.
I made it to 100 days! That was exciting…. triple digits! Aaaaaannnnd, then back to 1. Every time I add a day to whatever total I’m at, I cross my fingers and toes so hard that I’ll make it another day, and another day, and just one more. Pleeeease. The heart stuff and anxiety scare the crap outta me too! I’ve hit emerg a couple of times. Just to be sure… It’s never anything, but it’s still scary as hell! What is the purpose of our bodies doing this to us?!?!?
This is definitely the kind of article that needs to be out there! Women need to read this and talk about it! BEFORE we get there! Maybe it wouldn’t be so scary then. Thank you for writing this! And starting the conversation.
— A 51 year old who wasn’t expecting all this to be her life right now….
Because I adore you…for more reasons than the 34 stages of menopause….I think I’ve hit at least 25 of them.
I stand and applaud you, Sharron. As has been mentioned many times here in the comments, I see you, I hear you, I feel you. As a 56 year old who went through almost all of those same symptoms for 10+ years (plus one other big one that took 2 years to diagnose and finally deal with because it “wasn’t just perimenopause”) I applaud you for cultivating your team and working them hard. That’s exactly what you have to do. I wish you much luck on your journey … and here’s hoping there are many available loos along that journey, too!
I went through peri-menopause at age 42. Forty…fucking…two. Now I’m forty-six and have survived 4 years of hot flashes, night sweats, and on-and-off insomnia…FOUR! Like, it’s not hard enough to be a woman…and then menopause. WTF?! The universe laughs. Thanks for writing this piece (pee-ce?), I feel your pains, lady!
Whoa you basically described me in a nutshell for last few years I am 34! I also have PCOS which basically for me has similar if not same symptoms as you! I totally get how you feel hence why I need 2 toilets in our house the hubby doesn’t get it as he could pee up a tree! Thanks for sharing!
THANK YOU ALL YOU ALL…for reading…for writing. We are a part of a club…that is usually very silent…but NO MORE!!
…THERE are a lot of AMAZING groups on Facebook…just put in the words PERIMENOPAUSE or MENOPAUSE and they will populate your screen…join up and start sharing…and breathing. Xoxoxo
Dude. DUDE. Holy forking shirtballs. I’ll be 48 in a few months, and figured perimenopause was in my immediate future, but reading through those symptoms? It’s HEEEERRRREEEE! WOOOO! I started loosing more hair than usual in the shower in October, but figured it could be the stress of the run-up to the election and hoped it would stop once Mango Mussolini was kicked out of office. Alas, not so much, though thankfully I don’t seem to have any bald spots (yet). And I’ve been noticing my heart feeling a little weird lately, which is something I do need to get checked out because of family history (and I will, I promise), but now you’re telling me it might be a “normal” part of this process? Fuuuck. (I’ve been trying to calm myself down by saying it’s possibly just anxiety and my head playing tricks on me after being stuck in my apartment for 15 months.)
But kind of the worst/most inconvenient is this news that having to pee ALL THE TIME is also a thing! I’ve always joked that I have a bladder the size of a pea, and I shared it with my High School best friend when we’d be hanging out. Which was useful, since if one of us had to pee, then you knew the other did, too! But I feel like I pee all the time as it is, and you’re saying it’s going to get WORSE? *weeps inconsolably* On the bright side, I always know where every bathroom is wherever I go, and if we ever got to hang out then we’d always have company in the bathroom line!
Thank you for posting, Sharron!
Thank you once again Sharron! Spot on! I have to say that I read the blog in two gos…no pun intended, because I had to pee midway. I remember when I didn’t have to buy period supplies anymore, woo hoo savings! But then realized if I had kept the pads, I might have had a pee parachute for driving in traffic. Sad face. Lesson learned. My favourite peri moment was my first hot flash. It happened before the down beat of mixing Warhorse. I started to drip and in my mind I screamed, “Seriously? WTF! Now???” Working with all men, I had to let them know, that I may go beet red …whenever???? Glad that is over. It’s great to hear about other people’s journeys pee and all. We can all have a good chuckle at ourselves because we have been there, and done that. Nameste fuzzy bunny!
Thank you Sharron for sharing your journey. Gosh! I’m reading so many stories and I hope my story helps. I got it age 48-49 when i missed two periods in one year and symptoms came most of them. then they stopped at 50, worse agitation, dryness yuck. Went to TCM doctor and he gave me Dong Qoi or Dang gui (latin it is angelica root) and my symptoms vanished that night and the next day. Please research it and speak to your doctor. It comes in pill form more money or buy herd cook at home and drink. If you have a question I’m happy to help. P.M.B.
Thanks for the info!! I will look into it!
Dear Sharron, I never comment, hell, I don’t even visit websites or blogs anymore. I am not going through perimenopause either, I am 31, but I have been loving your instagram for some time now and it lead me here a while ago and long story short I am forwarding your article to my fellow 31yo girlfriends right away. You make me lough out loud on regular basis and others deserve that too. Plus it is nice to know what is ahead of us, even if it’s not sinister at all, ehm ehm, doctor’s promise… Thanks for being so human and so open and so fun. Hang in there, lots of love to you and save us a place. We all get to go there too. Fuck.
Man. These comments are making my DAY.
I applaud your use of fuck and desperate pee. Not sure where I am with menapause or perimenapause after a hysterectomy at 43, but basically a haywire system of a number of those symptoms. Thank you for writing this. It makes more sense. Joint pain, peeing, more pain, tight muscles!! I hurt myself easily, performance anxiety – omg I get uncontrollable shakes. This makes me sad. I too talk of my team of healthcare providers. Including Physiotherapy and now a personal trainer at the gym. I’m now 57, trying to stay calm and sane, but I got some cool muscle now!
Once I went 11 1/2 months. I screamed when I went to the bathroom and discovered my period. Thankfully I am finished with it all now. Peri menopause 42-52. Later a total abdominal hysterectomy, ovaries and cervix, they cleaned me out but I didn’t have cancer. And then, I felt amazing. Absolutely amazing. A sigh of relief. This is who I am. What a dreadful journey but so worth it. I remember reading somewhere that it is the reversing of puberty. Your brain rewires as everything changes. I found it profound (in hindsight, of course). My sister? Had one hot flash, periods stopped. So 🤷🏼♀️ Thank you for allowing us to share our stories here.
Sharron! I am laughing and shaking my head and sending love to you!! And I cannot BELIEVE you would lose anyone over this marvelous and completely authentic account of what it’s like for so many women. (And yes, that’s part of the problem isn’t it?) smooches!
I’m a new subscriber after reading this!
And I’m with ya.
Annnnd, I represent those with the friggin’ burning tongue symptom. Oh, yes. It’s a thing. A 12 year old ENT shoved a camera up my nose and down my throat to make sure I didn’t have tongue cancer.
I’m 55 and fully past the peri part. My heart palpitations have all but subsided. Wishing you the same!
xoxo
I too, am riding along that rocky road and I freaking love you for writing this.
Also *The Pee* – I am right there with you!
Thank you Sharron for almost making me per my pants. I started perimenopause very early, at age 40 😳 went into full menopause at 45 and 15 fucking years later I still have trouble sleeping, occasional hot flashes and stress incontinence. Being a woman, ain’t for sissies! When I had my first heart palpitations, I drove myself to the emergency room convinced was having a heart attack and couldn’t wait for an ambulance or I would die. (I live 5minutes from the hospital).
Thank you for writing and talking about this! We need the laughter. 💕💕💕
Been there. In the car. To emerg. Lord and Taylor.
Sharron:
I loved reading this. I feel like I’ve been in perimenopause for 10+ years already … and I didn’t even know there were 34 symptoms!! I love your writing and, in the spirit of sisterhood and sharing, I have to tell you that I laughed – which made me pee myself a little.
xoN
(Weeping while laughing and peeing emoji)
Oh yes – alllllll of this….ESPECIALLY THE PEEING — 51 years old, not a skipped period in sight (mind you now they are so heavy I can’t leave the house on day 1 unless I take meds, and I had twins so that pelvic floor situation is not helping with the whole peeing situation, hot flashes, anxiety that flies up out of NOWHERE, migraines, heart palpitations (those were an early gift of perimenopause and I ended up at emerg and then holter monitor etc etc and ZERO answers – didn’t know til reading this that it was related, so thanks, it makes so much more sense now), and most of the rest of those 34…We WILL get through this…
THANK YOU for writing this, for making me laugh about the way this body, (that i have taken overall such good, good care of, ) is now revolting…
Just a word to those of you who have not yet hit this time of life. It may not be like this for you. I never even knew I had gone through menopause until I realized that I hadn’t had a period for a couple of months. I wasn’t sexually active, so I had no reason to think about missing periods. I never had any symptoms at all. None. One day I was fertile, the next month I was not.
However, I did develop ovarian cancer in 2014. Most likely due to the overuse of genital talcum powder based products that I over-used for many years to stay “fresh smelling.” I had a total hysterectomy, and the loss of those organs as placeholders has caused me to be permanently somewhat incontinent.
I now have to include throw away “disposable panties”, aka form-fitted diapers, in my monthly budget. But you know what? It’s no big deal. I can still work, and walk, and laugh and cry, nothing much has changed. I don’t even bother to try to hide the fact that I buy them, the huge 60 pair packages, two at a time. I know many women suffer as Sharron has, horribly and for a long stretch of time, but not everyone. And I am a cancer survivor so far, how cool is that? I pee my pants all the time…ladies, to heck with the embarrassment, free yourself from the fear of unexpected leaks. And buy your “mommy diapers” at the dollar-type stores, they are much less expensive than the advertised brands, and work just as well. Probably manufactured in the same plant as the high end ones that have flowers printed on them…I wish you all well, Lyza
This was amazing! I’m 51 and have been w/o period for 18 months. When I stopped getting my period I looked back on my 40’s and realized I fucking suffered for the past ten years not realizing peri menopause can start early. So now I’m on HRT (no more night sweats!!!) but that’s a whole other ball game! Keep being honest about (peri) menopause – we need to speak up about it! It’s not a dirty word!
Thank you for this! I’m 55 and (finally) in full menopause. My doctor never even really talked to me about it. But I have ALMOST EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SYMPTOM on the list. At least they make sense now, and I’m not just falling apart (BUT I AM). Thank you for talking about this, and in such an amusing way!
I don’t like the word “should” very much BUT men SHOULD READ THIS TOO. Not only because it’s so REAL and HILARIOUS but we can be a whole lot more sensitive and compassionate. Thanks for sharing this. I get the peeing part but all the others on that list … ugh truly, UGH!
Sweet baby Santa Jesus, Sharon.
I started this a couple of years ago, and at 50 I’ve reached the five or six months at a time with no shark week. Due to the birth control I was on, which i later found out I was allergic to, I have also put on about 50 lbs. Add a hip replacement at 47 because of an ankle break at 40 (thought roller derby would be a great way to lose weight.. who knew? And I’d do it all over again too…..) and this is all a very familiar tale. The peeing though is brutal. Although I was once ass deep in many aspects of music and theatre and dance, my big girl job is driving the people aquarium, which can make for some long stretches between pres.
While we are fucking well at it, WHAT the everloving buttery fuck is with the thing when you finally get into the bathroom and your body goes “oh good we’re here!” While you have to convince it not to pee while you are undoing your pants?
We’ll all get through this together right?
Shark week. How have I never heard of this reference to a woman’s period. I out loud laughed. Heather…you sound bad ass…keep rocking in the free world. X
Mine is a sad story, I was misdiagnosed the first time, I went to emergency with the same worries plus bleeding, bleeding a lot, not during my period. The nurse when she heard my age said it just perimenopause, and the doctor said yeah it was. No pelvic exam just eat right, get sleep and relax.
Six months later I almost died. It was a fibroid was wreaking havoc. When the doctor at the hospital saw what it was she said I should just get hysterectomy, why put a bandage on it. I was 35, I didn’t want major surgery. So I told her no, just take out the damn thing! (This is a brief description of the hell. I was in ICU when she told me that getting a blood transfusion. I am so glad fate made that doctor busy and I had a kind compassionate doctor who took care of me.)The saddest part is that because they put in my medical record all the doctors agreed and no one, I mean no one examined me. The nice surgeon I mentioned above, he was pissed when he found out I went through all this and no one would examine me. Everyone followed the leader and no one questioned why I was bleeding so much.
Flash forward 15 years, I did get perimenopause, after what I had been through I asked three doctors just to be sure. The peeing drove me mad. So did my lack sleep. I learned my lesson, I never accept what the first doctor or the second doctor says.
Ten years deep and still going. I’m 57, still flushing, peeing, sweating, forgetting – all that and more. It’s GOT to end soon, right? Right??
Sending good vibes from New Zealand ❤
Hi Sharron,
Love this, can’t believe I waited so long to read it. Bought my townhouse in 2019 and the best feature I never knew I wanted was a bathroom right inside the front door!!! Saved me too many times already!!! Working on my kegels and pelvic floor so I don’t still flood while pulling down the pants, but ugh. Have never had a standard 28 day cycle… I was skipping 6-9 months at 16 thanks to PCOS, so I have no idea how I’ll realize I’m finally done. But the heart and the anxiety increase are definitely unwelcome. Thank you for the honesty, the laughter and the vulnerability to share what shouldn’t be such a shame-filled topic. Hugs from Alberta!
I had a problem with frequent urination but never knew it was from perimenopause. It has subsided since I completed menopause but I still have some days of minor symptoms. I do still have a lot of those symptoms you listed but now I believe it is from Fibromyalgia. Not sure, but after following groups online it seems to be the case. So hard some days to isolate symptoms to figure out what is truly going on.
Someone mentioned above that this is like puberty in reverse – YEP!! Bring on the pimples again…. 😖