I am 47 today…and I realized I might never be Beyoncé…
So, I am 9 minutes away from being 47 years old.
47 years old. That sounds like a million…and still…13 years away from 60. Sit on THAT for a second…hard and cold, isn’t it?
As with every year, about this time I go to my mountain of photo albums and scan the pictures…looking at my life up until the invention of the camera phone when we barely ever printed up a photo again…
There are A LOT of birthday cake shots…a lot…more than I even remembered there being…and almost all of them? FROM MOTHER’S PIZZA and PASTA. Which you may know, if you follow me at all on the social media…yes, I am on social media…I know it is hard to believe…but last week, on our anniversary, George and I found a fucking MOTHER’S PIZZA and went towards it like that friggen monolith in 2001:A Space Odyssey. LAST WEEK, people. How bananas is that?
And we brought home one of their pizza pies. Verdict? DELISH!
So many memories there…so many hair styles…every picture on the left side of this collage was taken at MOTHER’S.
Featured in the top two…besides myself, the birthday girl…is my friend Melanie Jones…it is kooka…we were friends for longer than I remember, I guess…and photo bombing in the left middle shot is Leigh Anne Phillips…in this photo I am wearing one of my fave outfits ever that included my burgundy net disco scarf…and on the top right corner, that is my second birthday and that person who looks exactly like me is my sister Gwen, and beside her, my dear childhood friend, Annette Kilfoyle.
And then, I seem to be wearing my birthday party hat and birthday bathing suit…in September…it must have been warm.
I cannot fucking believe I am 47 years old…9 minutes have passed as I wrote…looked at the collage and made a cup of tea.
WOOOO HOOOOO!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
So, there are a couple things I have learned this year that I find so very important…and each has changed my life.
Would you care to know what those things are?
They may surprise you.
Firstly, and most shockingly, it came to me one day this year that I might never be Beyoncé.
I know. It is hard to believe. In my mind, as I studiously worked away at my craft, touring, writing, singing…way, way in the back of my mind… I was kinda waiting for the day when all my hard work would turn me into Beyoncé. It sounds a little kooka to even write down. Does it? I have always endeavoured to have big dreams…and firstly, I thought I was going to be Marie Osmond…then Carol Burnett…then Bernadette Peters…Bette Midler…for a while, Luther Vandross…then Joni Mitchell…Madonna…Joni Mitchell again…for one split second Britney Spears…Shawn Colvin…then (and I have left a few out) the magical day came when I thought, “Huh. I am going to be friggen Beyoncé!”
It is not that I didn’t want to be me…I just wanted to have a career and a person to aspire to…not to imitate…but to be inspired and encouraged by.
And I continued to work away.
Then, one day in January…while I laid on a lounger in Puerto Vallarta…I looked out at the ocean, thought ahead to my show that night and realized in that moment that this was a sweet life I was living…with my husband upstairs cutting a pineapple in the crappy room we were staying in (who cares…it was just fine for us…the view was gorgeous)…I was performing cabaret in a lovely little venue in Mexico, singing while my dear friend Wayne played the piano…in the mornings we went to the market and found our groceries for $10…I was living life. THIS was a life I had always wanted. To work and live where it was always summer. Huh.
As I looked at the beautiful water…at my gorgeous view…watching yacht’s float by with friggen helicopters on them…I realized that this might be my Beyoncé life. You see, one of the main reasons I wanted to be Beyoncé was to travel on a yacht like she does on Instagram…and have a private plane so I would not have to fly coach ( I can’t be the only one that wished THAT as a rotted in the middle seat on the way to Vancouver from Toronto)…oh, and to have millions of fan and be rich as fuck. Judge me for my wishes, I dare you. BUT, maybe that was not going to happen…and a part of my variety of this life, if I was blessed enough to recognize it, was getting to sing for very wonderful people in PV every once in a while…and then after, sitting at a bar on a beach with my husband and drinking a Pina Colada. I do love a Pina Colada. And it IS a pretty sweet life.
In that moment I also realized that sometimes, through the haze of aspiring to my Beyoncé type of life, one can really miss the things you have worked so hard on and for…the things you have achieved…the people you have met…the audiences you have performed for…the places you have traveled to…the family you have…the love in your life…the friends in your life…the gut laughs you have had…all the blessings…all the lessons…
The biggest realization that sunny day in January, was that I had to make my very own version of Beyoncé’s life and stop secretly waiting for her life, or some fancy life to happen to me. Does that make sense? I know this may ALL sound crazy to some…but some others will know exactly what I mean. I think it is wonderful to have dreams … to dream big…to reach for those dreams…but we can’t become so set on that dream, so blind to anything else… that we aren’t open to other options that may present themselves…better options…more exciting options…more creative options.
Now, you may be reading this thinking, “Did that chick actually think she was gonna be Beyoncé?”
Well, why not?
So, I am gonna do my best, at 47, to dream my own dreams, while staying open to all the universe has to offer…and have gratitude for the blessings in my life…and grit my teeth through the crappy ass shit…and learn something…and sometimes just grit my teeth and be glad when bad shit is over…and move on.
Lord…look at me…being all preachy…but I am 47 today…so WHY NOT!?!? I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA BE BEYONCE FOR CHRISSAKES!!
So, 47 year old Sharron it is. One of my goals for moving forward on this planet is to pay more attention to myself and less to what others think of myself.
I am sure Beyoncé is totally breathing a sigh of relief that her life is her own now.
But you know what….I still could be her, you know….
47 Year Old Sharron