\nEND OF SIDEBAR<\/strong>.<\/p>\n
\u2026my stomach woke me out of a fairly decent slumber in a now-familiar upheaval.<\/p>\n
BUT the difference is these days, instead of getting anxious about the machinations of my gut, I\u2019ve decided to finally\u2026and with great self-care and compassion\u2026lean into the situation and lovingly nurture the only body I will ever have, instead of getting frustrated as fuck with it.<\/p>\n
SPOILER ALERT<\/strong>: Guess what? Frustration with my shell makes it all worse and nurturing makes it markedly better\u2026what a discovery to make in my fifties. So, as the sun comes up this cloudy morning, instead of tossing and turning for hours, I get up, turn on the kettle and stretch out my lower back. I\u2019ve decided to make self-care moments like this a sacred time, instead of a fraught experience. So, I\u2019m using this special time to sit on the couch, sip my special stomach tea out of my treasured BEST AUNT EVER mug, and calmly reflect on the last few weeks of my blessed June 2023 life.<\/p>\n I\u2019m gonna made a bold pronouncement. June is the best month of the Toronto year, maybe of the Ontario year. Now, I believe June is the best month because it deliciously climbs and then sits at the very top of the roller-coaster hill of the season. This year, after such a long time away from people in general, I decided to take June 2023 in hand, and make it my month of adventure\u2026with intention. I stayed in a lovely, possibly haunted, cabin-with-a-view on the island and, a few days later, a glorified lean-to (no bathroom attached) in the forest\u2026with no lock on the door.<\/p>\n You guys, forest people are crazy with the trust.<\/p>\n When my I-GREW-UP-IN-HAMILTON ass pointed this out to a friend, they countered with the fact that tents don\u2019t have locks, so why should my lean-to? Imagine that. Oh yes, it was.<\/p>\n Sipping my tea, massaging the belly that I\u2019d put a little essential oil on to help out with matters of relaxation, I think back over views, beaches, cliffs, sunny days, bug spray, lapping water, fish and chips, very long walks with my JO, hills that go up, hills that go down, ferries, ham sandwiches, drives, stories I listened to, other cups of tea, stories I was reminded of from my past, Jo snuggled up to me in that lean-to and a blessed uncluttering of my spirit that led to 100% happiness.<\/p>\n I honestly think that week was the first time in years that I was TRULY and FULLY relaxed, and present in that relaxation enough to really rest my mind. As I stood on the peak of the Cup and Saucer Trail with my JO AND when I sat on a rock on Misery Bay beside my Jo I realized that THESE were moments that I would come back to in my mind again and again in remembrance, so I endeavoured to be as present in them as I could possibly be.<\/p>\n Now, as my stomach relaxes into wellness, my tea finished, my bed almost ready for me again, my thoughts flow into my return to Toronto for a glorious summer solstice gig with the amazing Awesome Music Project at the historic El Mocambo room.<\/p>\n It was a fucking thrilling night.<\/p>\n A singular evening that began with truly wonderful music and stellar musicians and ended with me and my friend from grade six sitting, just past midnight, on one of the famous Church Street stoops eating equally famous pizza slices, while watching the youngs (and some olders) wander back and forth in front of us while celebrating PRIDE.<\/p>\n SUMMER SOLSTICE, PEOPLE. I was so overwhelmed with feelings on that night that I wrote a little thing about it on the facebook that ended with this paragraph:<\/p>\n \u201cI thought about how grade six Sharron would have been in disbelief at the width and height of this night, of this time…of the friends -vintage and new, the musical geniuses, worthy endevours, wonderful philanthopists, random strangers, working anxiety-free and competence-aware, wrapped in beautiful fabrics\u2026and of this life\u2026.of this life I\u2019ve hung onto so hard for so long\u2026and yet lately, have loosened my grip on, so safe and sure of unsure-ity that does not strike fear into the depths of my sewn up heart\u2026a long-time-gone wounded heart that I repaired myself\u2026with love\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n June is the best month ever.<\/p>\n As my sacred time almost wraps up and I feel almost ready to go back to bed for a spell\u2026it\u2019s Saturday after all\u2026I still have one more thing to think over\u2026which is the glow I\u2019m still basking in over last-night\u2019s joy, a June-Summer-Friday-Night in Hamilton\u2026the city of my birth\u2026spent with high-school friends.<\/p>\n HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS.<\/p>\n A few years ago, after not seeing each other for decades, we somehow began a text thread called HAMILTON PEEPS, consisting of a friend I\u2019ve known since grade two named Suzie, a friend that I\u2019ve known since grade six (my Church-Street-Pizza-Eating-Pal from two nights ago) named Sue\u2026do NOT mix them up\u2026and four amazing gent friends with the names Alfie, Chris, David and Kevin, all who I did the high school musicals with. It\u2019s a motley group with ties that extend back and forth between each of us like the makings of a complicated but shiny spider\u2019s web.<\/p>\n Every six months or so we assemble\u2026and remember\u2026and fucking laaaaaaugh.<\/p>\n Last night, as we pretended it was not lightly raining on our heads for a very long time, we set a table in Suzie\u2019s (not Sue\u2019s) backyard. I have to share that THIS group of people is literally the nicest, most real and kind group of people that I know, that I had the good fortune to meet in my youth and keep till now and hopefully beyond.<\/p>\n Honest, loyal, supportive and absolutely and TOTALLY unshady.<\/p>\n Just\u2026good.<\/p>\n Seeing them reminds me that there is a lot to be grateful for in a youth that was fairly tumultuous.<\/p>\n Last night, we talked further into our youths than we have the last few times we\u2019ve met up over food and drink.<\/p>\n Loves, losses, wins, names I\u2019ve not heard in years.<\/p>\n
\nSeems obvious, but life, right?<\/p>\n
\nI light some candles, then brew and drink some tea\u2026which seems delightfully witchy.
\nI breathe into my stomach, massaging it in the fashion my RMT taught me to ease it and help it along\u2026which is slowly round and round to the left, just in case you were wondering.
\nI practice mindfulness.
\nI read a bit.
\nI quite simply relax.<\/p>\n
\nImagine that.<\/p>\n
\nReady, people?<\/p>\n
\nYeah, I said it. You can fight me about it but I will not change my mind.<\/p>\n
\nIn June, summer is really just showing up to party, it\u2019s meaty heart still laying ahead of us.
\nIn June, we unveil limbs that have not seen the sun in months.
\nWe lay on new grass under branches that we secretly feared would never hold green leaves again.
\nBuds explode from trees like they are belting out a show tune.
\nJUNE is the part of summer that reminds us, as in Camus\u2019 poem, that we and IT are invincible.
\nThe possibility of warm adventures of ANY kind still ahead of us, like a ripening peach on the vine.
\nIt\u2019s not too hot and the year\u2019s longest day does not happen till the middle of the month.
\nSummer in Canada can feel exciting and a bit fleeting\u2026but not in June.
\nJune is everything to the promise of the possibly best summer ever.<\/p>\n
\nSo, I made some plans, and during this early morning time of sacred stomach care, I\u2019ve put down my book, picked up my IPAD and begun to unhurriedly muse over the month so far\u2026 beginning with my mighty week-long solo (with my JO) adventure to Manitoulin and then Tobermory.<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sharronmatthews.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/06\/IMG_0823-scaled.jpeg\")
<\/a><\/a>
\nI told my friend that while tents have no locks, it takes an obvious-while to unzip one\u2026and only a moment to open a door.
\nThey had no come back.
\nYet meanwhile, I still somehow slept like a forest person in that lean-to\u2026heavy and hard\u2026fearless to the monsters that might be outside the door\u2026newly aware that I was probably very safe.<\/p>\n
\nWhat a glorious and challenging week that was.<\/p>\n<\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a> <\/a><\/p>\n
\nTo clear out some cobwebs.
\nYes, I was indeed 100% blissfully happy a number of times.
\nJust to keep it real, I was also anxious a few times and that\u2019s because anxious used to be my go-to, so it\u2019s still sometimes a large challenge to let go into the 100%.
\nBut the happy was so present and glorious that I revelled in it. I was so aware of it, was so grateful for it and keenly knowledgeable that I created the space for it, myself.
\nIt was something fucking else.<\/p>\n<\/a><\/a>
\nMusic. Lifelong friendship. \u00a0Magic.<\/p>\n
\nThere was fine linen, beautiful set-ups, a gorgeous potluck of food (I bought a couple cakes\u2026when the FUCK did they start making cakes so friggen small?), and champagne.<\/p>\n