Sharron's Blog and Vlog

.......................................................So, my friend Trish and I are standing at the Tim Horton's sandwich making station...it always takes them forever to put together a turkey club...their service is only second to the FABULOUS service you always get at Canadian Tire. (Everyone who works there seems like there wish they were a bit dead.) Trish and I are dishing and there is a middle aged dude who seems amused by our conversation and looking for an opening to be a part of it. I do NOT encourage it. Trish and ! get to the part of the conversation that is focused on my late night viewing of the VH1 special DIVAS....you know...Divas started years ago with awesome chicks like Cher, Mariah, Christina, Celine...and now it has been going on for so long that the only ladies who they can come up with are Miley Cyrus... WHAT!!!?!?!? And Jordan Sparks...WHO!?!?!? I recalled her name but still had to google her...she is most remembered for the inane comeback on the MTV awards to Russell Brand's hilarious joke about the Jonas Brothers' purity rings....Ms. Sparks said something super smart like..."Some people aren't sluts!" WTG.
Anyhow. The part of the show that we was talking about was the AMAZING opening number ...not so much. I was pontificating how Paula showed up in a Liza Minelli wig and lipsynched...sanked...whatever...to a medley of her biggest hits....like that gem "Cold Hearted Snake"...and that hot tune "Opposites Attract"...I mean really... and this middle aged dude...remember him? Says "Well, it is too bad you aren't cattie" to which I turned...giving him my full height and saying " It isn't cattie if it's the truth" and then just stared at him.
What the eff?
Was I talking to you?
If my voice is pitched a bit louder than other people does that give you a right to involve yourself in my chat about VH1's Divas???
Do we look like we want to talk to a middle aged dude who seems to be habouring an opinion on VH1 Divas?
Do you have personal relationship with Ms. Abdul?
Hey old dude... eff off!
AND THAT IS MY TURKEY CLUB!
Okay...no it isn't ...but wouldn't that have been awesome?

SO!
I had to shop for an outfit this weekend. First of all, bad move to go out when the "weekend people" are out.
Now, because I am a person with a flexible schedule I enjoy the blessing of being able to do activities when people are working. I never go to popular city destinations on the weekend because the "weekend people" come out.
What are weekend people you might ask?
Well.
They are the people who populate places like the mall, the grocery store, kitchy restaurants, book stores, libraries, walking paths and furniture stores on Saturday and Sunday in their weekend clothes...jeans that are pressed, track suits made of velour, blond pony-tail-wearing-girls in matching sweater sets, pants and spiffy coats, with very small purses, very big sunglasses and just about gay boyfriends. You know who I mean....
I have nothing against weekend people.
Actually, they look at my weekend clothes....that are a step down from my regular fancy "jeans and a t-shirt" weekday look...and maybe think I might be homeless...
So, anyhow...I am at the Eaton's Centre trying not to kill myself...I am all hot because I overdressed and am wearing a down coat inside for 5 hours...I have taken my clothes on and off so many times that I have begun to discard layers in my purse....I am sure someone thought I was shoplifting....my hat has been pulled on and off so often that my hair looks like a squirrel messed in it...and I am on way out of the mall...and thought I would try and sit down before the long walk home in my fake, salt covered UGG boots...classy...suck it, people...and I cannot find a seat....because all of the "weekend" husbands and boyfriends are sitting in them looking more miserable than me....if that is possible....and the last seat I look at is being taken by...and I am not shitting you people....a chihuahua in a Burberry coat....and MATCHING SCARF....sitting beside a girl on a bedazzled Blackberry wearing a spiffy coat...holding a too small purse...you get the picture.
And you know all I could think?
Life is fucked when a dog is dressed better than me.

So, I waited. I waited till today for MANY reasons to see Nine. Firstly, I couldn't find someone who would go with me....and also I was putting it off because I heard so many negative reviews and I didn't want to believe it. I just DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT PEOPLE!!!
When I sat in the theatre last September to see some other film and the trailer for Nine came on...I gasped...which scared the shit outta George and then I started to cry. TOTAL GAYLORD. I know. So, I waited...and then the crap reviews came out. NO.
Yes, my friends. It was crap.
My niece, who came with me...who is a totally smart, together lady...had no idea why it was called Nine.
Way to go, Rob Marshall.
Now, here is the kiss of death...I did the show in college...yes, I know...someone has always done a production of something somewhere..I loved it...I loved the music and the story...and NONE of it existed in this...film...may I use that word loosely...you think I might even give it a break because it was a musical ...and I have a soft spot for them and will give them A LOT of leeway...but not here people.
Where shall I start.
Oh yes, this is a movie about beautiful women, well it shoulda been...and they could not have been shot from less flattering angles...in one of Nicole Kidman's first shots she looked like Carl Malden in a Ginal Lolabrigida wig...don't know who either of those people are?...google the crap outta that...and I thought it was virtually impossible to shoot Penelope Cruz from a bad angle...DING DING DING...well, success on that one! She looks like hell in everyone of the shots she is not singing in. Singing? Hm.
And they made Kate Hudson eat...something...I am all for people eating...don't get me wrong...but I think they gave her a week to gain weight...so she ate two Mars bars...all puffy.
And I LOVE that everyone calls Fergie fat in this movie.
Hollywood sucks.
And every major character in this movie ends up sitting in front on Daniel Day Lewis... and crying.
Kidman.
Cotillard.
Cruz.
When the final woman started to tear up in her song I said out loud 'COME ON!'.
They sing about how much they love him and how he is so brilliant...but how he fucked them over...but they still love him.
Gross.
In the stage play...all these women leave him...because he is too hard to be with.
They made sure, for some reason that this was not the case in the movie.
Cruz's character tries to commit suicide.
Cotillard, instead of singing the beautiful and empowered "Be On Your Own" in all her clothes, appears as a stripper wearing next to nothing in a new number that is crappy and ends up showing her tits...from a back type angle...but she still shows side-tit.
One word.
WHY!?!?!?!?
And Kidman...looks crappy....they stick some hat on her head while she massacres one of the most beautiful songs.....ever.
They took out some of the most beautiful music... Nine, the title song...THEY CUT THE TITLE SONG...which is sung by the Mother...instead Loren sings ....sings...a song called "Mine"....I kept waiting for her to rhyme 'Mine' with 'Nine'...while she sang to the boy...WHO IS NINE...DING DING DING....but nope.
And she wears a matching neck scarf with every outfit.
The took out "The Bells of St. Sebastian", "Only with You" and Carla's beautiful song of leaving called "Simple".
And in their place...and in their place my friends....was a song called "Cinema Italiano"...in which the puffy Kate Hudson shakes her ass and says Cinema Italiano over and over again..and Guido...over and over again...way to move the plot. And she go go dances.
REally.
Really?
I am all depressed.
Fave moment...Cotillard singing "My Husband Makes Movies" ...it is lovely.
I didn't feel anything about Lewis.
Which, I think, is a bad thing.
Mad.
Sad.
Bad.
Sigh.
Okay, my final thoughts...from someone who is NOT a film major but a lover of musical theatre ....it was like a movie that would be directed by a first year film student who loved Italian Cinema and wanted to use ALL of the examples of....Italian Cinema....in one movie...with a bejillion dollar budget and....ANY ACTOR that he wanted in the world.
In Chicago, the movie...which I LOVED...he used the device of the songs being done in Roxie's mind...maybe because he didn't think that the actors singing them where they were written in the original stage script would be accepted by a non-musical audience. Who knows? But it worked like a MFer there....
In Nine....he puts all of the songs in Guido's head because....wait....haven't I seen this before?
Give the audience a break...they are smarter than you think....
WOW!!!
How do you really feel Sharron!?
Oh...and let us be realistic people...I hope he NEVER reads this and casts me in his next movie....hmmm.
What did you think?

So, I don't usually do two posts in one day but...George went to the Doggie Store to get boots for the Big Dog. Don't laugh and judge you bastards...he has very sensitive feet and the salt hurts his pads.
Anyhow...he was talking to a lady in Beamsville Doggie Store...George not the Big Dog...where he (George again) stopped to escape this bullshit weather...again, people, if it was before Christmas it would be cozy...but now it is just crap...anyhow...the Doggie Store Beamsville Lady found some XXXL sized booties....they are super cutes!!..and George asked her if since he was there was there any coats his size...she told George that he would need to take Tyson (Big Dog) to ....wait for it....HORSE WORLD!!!
Our poor dog needs to go to the animal version of Addition Elle...or the Big and Tall Store.
I think he is emotional eating in the kitchen right now.
OH!
And P.S....we are watching "The Rocker" that movie with Rain Wilson from "The Office" ( I loved him best as Arthur on "Six Feet Under") and it is quite funny....two fave lines so far
"Oh Look...a Hummer...it is like a school bus for assholes" and "Look at that guy...it seems like Abercrombie and Fitch are making people now."
Wow.
I am loving this Sunday!!!
Tomorrow?
Back to talking over the world.

So, I can't sleep. It is almost 2:00am. I have only my sad self to blame.
You see, my friends, I got this big ole' TV...and it is so pretty...and I want to see neato movies on it.
What neato movies? Do you ask?
Well, I started with the WHOLE 3rd season of that romantic situation comedy... Dexter.
Oh...I love this show! It just gets better and better...and I really enjoyed Jimmy Smits...and the lady who plays the foul mouthed sister. The show just keeps geting BETTER AND BETTER. And Michael C. Hall? Just scrumptiously evil...and somehow likeable...you root for his serial killing ass!
And I hear that season 4 is even BETTER!!!
BUT that isn't the reason I cannot sleep...surprisingly.
Then George came home with two videos....yes, I said videos... I still call my ipod a walkman...so this will continue for a LONG time...one of the videos he brought me is a movie that I saw the beginning of in the theatres...but after about 10 minutes it was clear to Georgie and myself that it was all "Blair Witch" camera...we packed up our contraband food and left...but I really wanted to see it!
District 9...it was still a bit sick making on my new, huge TV!!! But not so bad...although you gotta admit that shit was gross. There was ....well, I don't wanna give it away...but the movie is good.
What a great idea...great script...LOVED it...but with the monsters you would this was the reason that I cannot sleep.
But no.
THIS is the reason.
Susan effing Henley, while standing in the green room at LKTYP with both of us wearing bloomers...theatre is weird like that....told me about how she had gone on a date with her husband to the movies and seen....
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.
"OH, Sharron, you'll love it!"
Will I, Susan...will I?
So, Georgie...in an effort to sooth my mood...no comment...got me those two videos...one was Distrist 9 and the second....you guess it....Paranormal-scare-the

What a year it has been, what a rare mood I'm in...why it's almost like being in bed...oh no...wait! I AM in bed.
And I could not be happier, or more exhausted, or more excited...or more nervous.
Oh people, I am SOOO many things...and they are all a result of the year that was 2009....and the decade that was the....2000's? The Aughts?
Did we ever come up with a proper way to label this strange, exciting AND effed-up decade?
It seems too daunting to go over the best and worse of the decade...I mean I am in bed, after all....but let me try for this year...

January
Best: I guested on Keith Cole's "Needle Exchange" and he surprised me by having a band and handing me the words to "I Kissed a Girl" by Kate Perry...a song I have NEVER sung...nor knew the melody to...I made it up...and was mad...but just fake 'on stage' mad. And then John Colbourne wrote something about it in the paper "the closest he (Keith Cole) came to needling any of his guests was when he scolded musical theatre diva Sharron Matthews for not singing enough "pretty" songs -- and based on her rendition of The Rose, he might have a point."...um...is that bad...or good? I went with good...as I love John Colbourne...he has given me all of my most interesting and fabulous reviews..."takes to the stage like a leopard to the jungle"... "can sell any song like it is prime downtown real estate"...see how I worked my bullet points in there...I am such a publicity whore...I own it...judge as you will.

Worst: (Here is a "I am not gonna lie to you, it was bad" moment.)
When I filled lotion bottles at a friend's spa (NOT a rub and tug you dirty bitches) because that epic musical Rob Roy was cancelled five days before we started rehearsal (two days before Christmas). I filled said bottles because I had reluctantly deemed it close enough to the job to fix my car and buy Christmas presents. OH and...not that I was bitter...I had to quit many gigs as, though there had been no contracts given out it was "leaked" to the Toronto Star that I, and a number of others, were going to be in the show.
Super classy.

February
Best: It is a tie between the " Awesome Wedding of Adrienne and Kevin Dennis" and the "Salon/Dance Party at the Loach's"
The wedding reception was at the Palais Royale...BEAUTIFUL... the guest list was a who's who a fabu fun people ...Serge Kushnier, Matty Murray, David Dunbar, Bob Foster, Karen Burthwright, Rachel Fischer, Patty Zee (who was only at the church because she was doing "A New Brain" and, incidentally had accidentally cut part of her finger off the day before). The evening ended with a live band and a conga line and then a limbo with trained dancers....it was a site to behold an unnamed dancer shimmying under the bar with her beautiful dress hiked up as far as it would go. As I said, AWESOME.
The Salon/Dance Party at the fabulous and supportive Loach's started with some very intimate performances by Guy Few, George Masswohl (yes, that George Masswohl...he made me cry), my idol Sandra Shamas showed part of her latest show on the huge TV screen and then I told a story about how much she inspired me...I didn't make it through and cried like a baby and she maybe thought I was bonkers...ah well.
And then...outta nowhere...the party had dwindled down to a core group of fabu people...Christine Horne, Brad Hampton, Dan Thompson, Georgie, Shelly and Peter, the Loach's...and a two hour dance party ensued...it was quite possibly one of the BEST PARTIES I HAVE EVER BEEN TO!

I can't sleep.
Sigh.
Here we are AGAIN.
The time between Christmas and New Years....where I consider going on an all-liquid diet but figure I might as well wait for a couple of days....I have given up on my pre-christmas jeans in favour of tights...and skirts...and...I know...eff you....sweatpants.
Christmas is over.
This year was the first year that I really realized that I love the lead up to the season WAY MORE than the day itself.
I love everyone wishing the other "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Holidays"... the anticipation of the day itself....that NEVER lives up to the days beforehand...the soft snow that falls...and here is a thought....
Isn’t it strange that at Christmas time having snow and sleet is kinda romantic and cozy...and after Jan 1st the same weather is just bullshit.
It is almost time for the aforementioned bullshit.
Oh....and this Christmas Day...a drunk lady backed into our car...our car was parked.
She drove away and contacted us from her party saying that she had to leave the scene (yes, I use the CSI terminology...I have to use it somewhere to justify the hours of watching) because she was LATE for her party.
Are you fucking serious?
Merry Drunken Christmas, Lady.
But I digress.
I have a musical to close tomorrow...and I am torn.
I am always happy to recognize the timely ending of a project.
A job fulfilled.
An audience satisfied.
Okay....I just judged myself.
But I always know when it is time to move forward and I know that my attention span is quite short.
Surprised?
But I have had a blast doing this show at LKTYP.
And I find myself melancholy.
There is nothing like the gift of singing or listening to some Leslie Arden.
I stand on stage at the same point every show and listen to Regan and Tracy singing to each other...and the melody and harmony is so haunting...I almost tear up...which is saying a lot about a hard ass like me.
Oh WAIT...Sidebar....Shawn Wright came to the show today and something that had been nagging at the back of my subconcious came into the light, as the fancy people say....here it is for you to consider....Shawn Wright....Karen Wood....separated at birth?
They are like Janet Jackson and Michael Jackson...are they the same person? Do they cancel each other out.
I wanted to actually use Latoya there...but who would be who?
There is something very solitary about the cabaret and one-woman show work that is my great passion.
Okay...I just judged myself again...but you know what I mean, people.
I love the company of....a company. The crew and the cast.
We have a good time.
Even when the kid in the front got up during the applause of one number and asked me, while I was bowed over accepting said applause, how much longer the show was.
Actually, especially then.
Nothing like the young ones keeping you honest.
They also like to stare at the action on stage with their mouths WIDE OPEN.
That is my fave.
Even though sometimes they are breathing and coughing out the germs...but I use sanitizer.
Who knows when I will do theatre again.
I will be dedicating this year to new projects and going international...so that takes a lot of time...but I have totally enjoyed this theatrical breath of fresh air.
GOD....I keep judging myself in the fancy speak!!!
I want to thank Tracy, Regan, Andrew, Larry, George, Jonny Tan, Karen, Julain, Susan...late entrance CATHY...WTG girl...Kate, Kristen, Scott, Jacks, Gavin, Allen, Leslie, Stephen, Craig and ALL at the Lorraine Kimsa. It is always a pleasure.
Maybe now I can sleep....I have young people to keep the attention of tomorrow...and it can be a challenge.
And a joy.
God...the self judgement!!!
Night all!

I won't put a picture up here of Tyson in his cone. I think it would be bad for his self esteem. It is almost a year since the tragic viewing of 'Marley and Me'. The viewing in which George turned to me halfway through and said quietly, in the PACKED theatre, "This dog isn't going to die is it?" Oh lord. Then we got out two monster dogs. It was like seeing " A Baby Story" on TLC....which is horrifying by the way...I had it on in the background last week, totally by accident....and when they got to the birth I had to sit down as I thought I would pass out....SO, it is like seeing "A Baby Story" and then deciding it is time to have kids. But this has been a great year with them...a learning year. A year of surprises. Who knew that after three months Cassie could bark...and it is a old man bark at that. Who knew that after eight months Tyson could be totally enthralled by a beam of light from a laser or flashlight. Who knew that two dogs pass fleas faster than a whore with the clap. So, many things....too little time. it is our first Christmas with them...and sadly, the Big Dog is in a cone...the biggest cone I have ever seen....for those of you who don't have dogs and have no idea of what I speak...when dogs itch or lick themselves raw the vet puts a device resembling a megaphone on the dogs heads so they can't reach the affected bits. The dogs all look "special needs". After the fleas he got all infected and needed "THE CONE". God bless his little soul. Anyhow....somehow...with said cone....he locked himself in the bathroom. We had no idea how he did it...all we knew was when we got home the little girl was lying sweetly on her bed....gloating, no doubt...and he was no where to be found. Then George saw the that the bathroom door was closed. When he opened it...Tyson had decided after he locked himself in to hunker down...he ate the garbage and two bars of soap. Dove. Maybe the two fucking quarters of moisturizing cream will help his skin. He had bubbles in the corners of his mouth. You can't help but laugh. He also decided that the blue disco ball on the Christmas tree looked yummy. So the next day his poo was sequins and dental floss. If I had a nickle......