Dear Judgie Part and Judgie People….
Anyone who knows me at all will know how strongly I feel about body positivity.
Not everyone who knows me will truly know how hard my battle with self esteem, and my journey to acceptance and then celebration of my form, has been.
AND I make discoveries about the way I have treated myself or myths I have believed monthly.
My biggest discovery of late is the way I STILL continually march myself towards unhappiness whenever I am having a down time and feel like I am literally “too much”.
A big event is coming, a big show, a reunion of long-time-but-not-seen-in-a-long-time friends…STILL…even till this day when I am filled with joy and acceptance and even military style body warriorness… I am sometimes haunted by the ghost of MAYBE A JUICE CLEANSE WOULD BE GOOD RIGHT NOW or ONLY MEAL BARS FOR BREAKFAST AND LUNCH FOR A WEEK or BUY ALL THE SALADS, Sharron…ALL THE FRIGGEN SALADS.
AND, TA DA, it never works.
My heart and soul knows the true torture I have put myself through for skinniness over the years…and it steers me back, thankfully.
But there is always a small, judgie part of myself that feels disappointed in me.
Well, eff you judgie part…there are enough judges outside my body so you are not needed…you can truly eff off…we are only selling acceptance, truths, and positivity here now. So, suck it.
God, this world and it’s machines…magazine machines…weight loss industry machines…gangs of women and men who will justify to you why they are allowed to have a piece of cake OR why they are terrible for having it…all these PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE ALLOWED TO TELL SOMEONE ELSE HOW TO LIVE just encouraging you to jump on the unhappiness train.
When I finally had the deep realization (I believe the “deep realization” is the one that you have over and over again till you get it…it starts like a tickle of a thought and then it appears periodically…maybe over a number of years…till you say, “OH!! Okay, that is that way it is!”) that the terrible TIME TO STARVE MYSELF idea was ingrained in me, obviously not working and I made the conscious decision to cease and desist all that kind of believing, I felt a literal weight fall off me…so…ah, the irony.
Every time the thought comes I acknowledge it, and make a better decision.
So, truly-long-believed-self-esteem-wrecker…eff you too.
Again and again, eff the eff out of you…you and the judgie part can get married and live unhappily ever after. Bon voyage, effers.
The thing that I have felt most heartened by this last year is the deep realization that my body is no one else’s business.
To my great happiness, I have been following more and more body positive people on INSTAGRAM and TWITTER.
Oh, the joy and relief.
It is so encouraging to see women, it is mostly women, embracing their form, talking about their journeys, empowering themselves everyday and as a result empowering others…showing pictures of themselves from all angles in all states of dress and undress as they endeavour to make the deep realization that they are beautiful and worthy.
IT IS REVOLUTIONARY!!!
We are in a world where people who have fought weight battles all their live long life have role models.
We are finally allowing ourselves to believe we count…that we exist…that there is strength in numbers…we don’t have to be the butt of a joke…in fact that joke should not even be told…we see ourselves on shopping sites in the form of like-sized models. We go into our own stores, that cater only to us (I am of two minds about this but for now I am just plain excited to have some very cool places to shop) and see that the people who are helping us are of many shapes and sizes.
Oh dear god, the relief.
And, sadly but not unexpectedly, the relief of this wonderful group of people seems to really bother some other people.
I have had people actually go through many clicks to find my personal/business email address to write me and tell me that I need to go to the gym, that I am perpetuating a unhealthy stereotype, that I am fat and need to accept that and stop celebrating it.
It USED to bother me a lot more…but now I use this answer…
You have an opinion on how I should look?
You have an opinion on how I should eat?
You have an opinion on how I should exercise?
You have an opinion on how I should live my life?
IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
End of story.
Live your life.
Let me live mine.
Bunnies and Kitties.
BUT should you actually decide to write me to express your displeasure with my joyful life you can read this in advance…
Dear Person Who Is Up In My Business,
You have no idea the path I have been on to accept myself.
You have no idea who I am.
My size does not give you rights to speak with or about me.
Let me say that again, you have NO rights regarding me.
You do not get to wreck my hard won joy.
I am off to get a hot chocolate.
SIDEBAR: I wrote this today because two different posts came up on my social media feed.
One was this thought and deep realization I wrote a couple of years ago attached to a picture of myself that I enjoy and it came up on my FB memories.
The other ran through my twitter feed via a response to this person’s original post…it is from one of the women who was on Real Housewives of Toronto, on which my amazing friend Mike was one of the directors and producers. This woman says over and over again on the show that she is a christian and then displays none of the behaviour, of course.
But I am putting this up to show you what we are dealing with out there.
Live well and happily my people!