Yesterday, I spent my birthday alone….
I love a Facebook birthday…you can knock the social media all you want…but sometimes…I think it was invented just so you could get ALL the love on your special day. And I am not going to lie to you… I loved it!! I loved the love!
It was mostly my only contact with people yesterday. For serious.
Georgie is off in Montreal, and I was going to go with him…but we found out last week that I needed to say at home for family reasons…and as a result I spent the last week trying to decide how I would celebrate my birthday. I hemmed and hawed…is that how you spell that?…and the day before I still didn’t have a plan. After producing “Sharron’s Party” for years and years I didn’t want to create my own birthday party…it would have felt too much like a show…I know it sounds weird…but it is true. I didn’t want to do anything fancy…
Also we live in Stratford…most of my friends are in Toronto…and the ones that are here were having a two show day…and I did not feel like driving to Toronto to wander towards my birthday. SO many things…
What are you gonna do, Sharron? Georgie kept asking me…What are you gonna do?
George is such a birthday guy…he is always so inventive and festive on my birthday…and I know he hated not being here…but life is life. And I kept telling myself that is is just a birthday…why is what I do this day such a big deal? I kept telling George that it was fine…I would figure it out…and I KNOW that there are way bigger problems in life and in the friggen world than my birthday…it is a day like any other day.
The day before, he simply said, “Baby, it is your birthday…you have to mark your trip around the sun somehow.”
LORD. Okay….what the fuck am I gonna do?
I should go to the beach.
Thing is? I have never traveled to a beach anywhere in the world by myself. I know this sounds silly…I have traveled all over the globe by myself…wandered around the streets of London by myself…gotten on trains in the middle of the night in friggen Europe by myself…why should this be any different? This would be one of the few times I would be traveling somewhere alone NOT for work, NOT to meet anyone…just for fun. With no major plan. For some reason, THAT was daunting.
Also, I had never been by myself on my birthday. I just have not. Even a dinner spent with a pal…a visit to the coffee shop with a couple peeps while on tour…if I was away, I always spent it with someone, at least part of it, anyway. And thinking about spending my WHOLE birthday alone sent a lot of feelings through me. I am sure a lot of people celebrate THEIR day by themselves…I just never had…it made me feel sad/happy/free/a bit scared…yes, I know how it sounds…but I am just being honest. There is something about our birthday that takes me back to slumber parties and childhood…there is a child inside of us that comes out on and around our birthday. And you know what? That child should be honoured.
So, I had this moment in the kitchen the day before my birthday…when I was eating an entire kale salad out of one of those silver mixing bowls…when George is not here, I will eat out of any receptacle…and it hit me like an epiphany…that child inside needs to know that we are all grown…life and/or your birthday does not begin and end on the idea of how many people said “yes” to coming to your pizza party. Though I LOVE seeing dear people (and I am blessed with amazing people in my life, thank jesus) on my birthday, this day can be whatever I want it to be. It was such a wonderful moment…even with the kale salad.
So, yesterday, for the first time…I drove to the beach by myself. I was a bit scared…I have the anxiety sometimes, you know…some people would think the timing is irrational…but it is what it is. And then? I had the fucking best day…I went to Shoppers and bought myself these $19 sunglasses that reminded me of something Farrah Fawcett Majors would wear…I put on my music as I drove the sunshiny highways…and after I arrived, as I walked down to the beach, a gent who was sitting on his deck asked me if I had just come for the day…just making polite conversation…and I said, “Well, it’s my birthday…”…like a kid…and then I laughed…I put up my umbrella, and put out my lounge chair…and I talked on my phone, I poured through through crappy magazines, I swam about 100 times…the water was a bit cold but we are fucking Canadians, people…I ate snacks…I checked Facebook…I looked at the view… I did my own thing…for as long as I wanted…and it was magic. I missed having my George there…but there is something so special about having your own day.
I stayed for hours…and when I decided to leave I was a bit sad…I know this will be my last time at the beach this “summer”…but I was mostly sad because I had such a fucking wicked time…and it was time to go home. I walked back to the car and as I passed that guy, still on his porch, he smiled and said, “Happy Birthday”.
I drove home in the sun with the roof open…ordered chinese food ahead of my arrival…and when I got home I found a pot of roses on my porch, and I have NO idea who left them. : )
I ate my food while I watched a totally crap movie on Netflix (loved it), they forgot my gravy for the Soo-Guy, so I had to deal…and I drank three fingers of scotch. Magic. Magic day. What a wonderful thing.
Thanks to the universe for granting me another trip around the sun. And thanks universe for the awesome day. I am sated. And grateful.
AWESOME POSTSCRIPT: I have since found out that the roses are from my pal, Gary….WHO I have endlessly told about how all I do with roses is KILL them. So…it is a thoughtful gift…with an edge…which I appreciate. Thanks, Gary. You Bastard.
AND I forgot to mention one of the most interesting parts of my beach visit yesterday! I was in the water…spinning around…as one does…looking at the view…and a dude, who was one half of a questionable couple…she was super young and gorgeous…like GORGEOUS…and he was older…and not as genetically mutated as she was in the beauty department…and again, like much older…like if it was an older woman and a guy that young NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE AND MOST PEOPLE WOULD THINK IT SUPER WEIRD…and he was all over her like a a lecherous bee on honey (who knows, maybe it is true love…) and I had spent some time watching them during my day…ANYHOW…as I spun and spun…at the end of my graceful spin…when I ended up looking at the beach…there he was…pretty much in full view…with his big, white naked ass (it was big and white…mine is also big and white…so stop with the emails) facing the beach. He had totally removed his bathing suit…took his time…while he peed in the bushes…and then put on his boxer shorts. And YES I watched the whole thing. It was like a car accident…I could not help myself.
And three…I forgot to mention that when I arrived I had a wonderful conversation with a pregnant lady in a Sons of Anarchy bikini. “Sons” is on one boob, “Of” is on the other and “Anarchy” is across the ass. It was magical. And as we chatted her child screamed…like SCREAMED out the alphabet….twice…all the way through. And I didn’t even care. That is how zen I was.