This morning…and for many mornings in the last couple weeks…Tyson has made the grand decision… for ALL in this household…that he would like to embrace an entirely new schedule. 
Fancy.
This is how it goes.
At 7:00am on the nose he stands at the top of the stairs and whines a tiny bit or snorts to let me know that he would like to go outside.
I fall out of bed and oblige him…waiting at the back door to make sure he does not make a meal of…um…well…his backyard deposit.
Then he runs past me…all “I POOED!” proud and races back up the stairs and sits right beside my side of the bed. I tell him “NO, buddy…not yet…go to back bed…” an hour long debate ensues between he and myself…during which George sleeps and sleeps…or pretends to sleep and sleep. 
Tyson cries, I say “NO, buddy.”
Tyson snorts and sniffs…I snort and also sniff…and by now, I am entirely awake. 
I am now pissed off…And Tyson looks as me and says with his mooning eyes, “Well, since your are up now…”
THIS is all he wants.

The problem with THIS is that he is big as a barn…and this is MY side of the bed.
George’s legs are all stretched out…mine…not so much.
When sweet Cassie died it seemed like the best way to make him feel better, bringing him up here…well, huh…I am torn…I love having him up here…but I would like to sleep past 7:00am for eff’s sake.
But it seems so little to ask.
He is now snoring, by the way…George is still stretched out…my legs? Asleep.
I am happy to stay in bed today…we love to have these days…and I feel very happy and relieved to have the first week of “Full Dark” under my belt.
WOO FUCKING WOO.
I would like to thank all involved for this two weeks…I know I have thanked them before on here…but you can never thank enough…the killer team of Chris Tsujiuchi, Jason Chesworth, Mike Doherty (who follow me like a pooch follows one of those laser dots…AND BLESS them for it!)…Heather (the awesome stage manager), Jenn (my wing chick), Tristan (the crew chief who found himself working out the audio… BRAVO, sir) and Amanda (rocking it on the lighting board!)…and AMAZING Bonnie Beecher who created the most wonderful moods and paths for a gal who usually only “gets
lights up and lights down here” in Canada (BY CHOICE…lights terrify me! What if they aren’t on where I need them…what if…what if…) and Denise Lisson and her team at Sheridan who made me the lovliest drop and stage (to the specs of Buddies in Bad Times!…it is just like being at home.)
What a CHALLENGING and wonderful journey it has been so far…one during which I have learned many many many things and hope to STILL learn many many many more things…if you have a sec to kill…here are a couple:
1. Have a plan. When you start a rehearsal for a one person/ sung through show with strep throat…have a plan…do your very best NOT to freak the eff out…go see your ENT and come up with a plan. It was a very challenging first week of rehearsal, but with the help of the wonderful Dr. Hands,  the understanding of the tech team and the band, and, most importantly, the understanding and permission of myself (along with the aid of Manuka Honey, a personal throat steamer AND MANY trills ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY) …somehow I pulled that shit off. AND this makes me very happy. AND, if one were to look on the sunny side of things…it taught me how to pace myself in a 75 minute solo show. (Which is still a mothereffing challenge this first week of runs and shows!!)
2. Do you very best to BE Brave in the face of 75 solo minutes… with TECH. Lord lift us. It is like standing at the bottom of a mountain...one that is moving…and shifting...and sometimes, disappearing in the clouds. I have done this kind of time onstage alone before…but not like this. So many NEW elements…lights, sound, band, all depending on your cues…and I made it more challenging for myself by writing 5 songologues when I have usually done 2 AT THE MOST… with ins and outs… cues and repetition… LORD LIFT US!! 
By the time I just get to a simple song the relief is so great…I breathe…
In rehearsal…as I began to truly learn the show… I would worry that I had jumped…or missed something…or did I say that already… or eff! did I fuck up that cue…with the band…for the lights…oops…I stepped out of the lights…< /span>
It abated a bit as I got in front of a house…but it is still a nagging BOO in the back of my mind…AND ALL OF THE ABOVE  is ironic because…
3. In A Show About Fear…You May Be Afraid. I mean, I knew that I would be afraid sometimes in a show that I wrote about conquering my fears…but until it truly grips you…when you are at the start of the show…and you have skipped something…and have to go back because it is important…and then you are in your head for the whole rest of the show….whew…EVERYONE out of the pool, people…STAND BACK!
But…you do it anyhow…and I would find myself rallying during speeches…reminding myself to breathe…to be in the moment…to let go…to not be afraid to let go and surrender.
Trust your shit and yourself…my god.
It is a truly powerful experience…not always comfortable… but powerful and changing all the same.  
And after one such show a woman approached me and told me that I had helped her…and when I began to thank her she held my hands and my eyes…and said, “Really and truly helped me today.”
Well…
What is better than that?
4. And Some Days it All Falls Into Place….DON’T QUESTION IT!! JUST RIDE THE WAVE. Some days it just all makes sense…and everything is right…and you feel the comfort…and you breathe…and you go slower…and you allow a pause…and you feel the discomfort…but you welcome it…and you breathe it…and you go slower…and you allow a pause. It is brilliant…and just…well…what can you compare it to?…Okay, it is what I imagine swimming into the gulf stream was like in ‘Finding Nemo’. Yup, that is the best I can do today…and it is TRULY what I imagine it might be like..warm, flowing and right…so suck it, judgers.
5. And Some Days Audiences Will Ask You About Your Other Shows…that are funny. 
Nice Lady With The Best Intentions, I am Sure: So, when are you going to bring “Jesus Thinks I‘M Funny” Here? 
ME, Sweating And Handing Her Opening Night Cake:
Oh, did you read about that show in the program? I did that show in Edinburgh…I have already done it…and bringing this show here was a work-in-progress kind of thing…so, probably I won’t …. but thanks for asking and you can follow my website…I do a lot of different kinds of shows!
Nice Lady With The Best Intentions, I am Sure:
It is just that that one sounds so funny and fun… 
Me, Still Holding The Cake, Having Just left STAGE 5 minutes ago:
It was! But it sure is nice to get a chance to stretch my wings…and I am so grateful you came. Here is your cake…
Nice Lady With The Best Intentions, I am Sure:
(smiles and takes cake.)
Girl, not everyone will dig something different. AND I appreciate them coming and sitting through. AND sometimes, as a reward, they get cake. *
*Disclaimer: If you happen to not dig the show you probably won’t get cake.
6. And Sometimes Students Ask You in Very Serious and Smart Tones How You Do Your Work: And then there is a wonderful conversation…an inspiring and hopeful conversation.
THIS is the one of the very best parts.< /span>
 
WHAT. A. TIME.
And I am still in bed…and Tyson is encroaching…and snoring… and farting.
Life is grand.
Today on the FB Tanisha Taitt put this poem up…and it was just perfect…just perfect. And I have followed it with her own composition based on this poem. Thanks to you, Tanisha, for posting. I hope you don’t mind that I hoped on the band wagon.…and Julia McLellan took this pic of my stage at one of the dress runs of Full Dark…thanks to Julia and Tanisha…I combined the two.
 
 
Someone I didn’t know once gave me a similar box.
It took me years as well.
But I unwrapped it, and opened it.
There was no return policy.
Sometimes you have to keep it, the gift you do not want.
You must find a shelf or a mantle… but not a drawer.
Drawers suggest that what is stored should be hidden.
Tucked away, out of sight.
That from the ugly there can spring no light.
That it will never have a place amongst the beautiful.

It can. It can. It can.


– Tanisha Taitt
  
 
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  1. I am honoured my dear. Much love to you. xo

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