Oh. My Lord.
It is one of those days that I was sad/happy that we have down graded our cable…I mean, what with live streams, NetFlix and projectfreetv.com …and, well, the internet…we felt that we could save one million dollars a month and go to “almost basic” cable…which is kinda like being “almost famous” and “almost pregnant”…but different.
So, we are watching a documentary on the NetFlix about prisoners who take care of other prisoners in the penitentary hospice… because George and I are lovers of the documentary…and my ipad is binging and binging…and when I finally can’t take it anymore (I really am trying to not look at it so much.  My social media, that is…I CANNOT STOP MYSELF!!! I usually move it away from me…like far away…but tonight I “forgot”)…when I can’t take it anymore I just pick it up…and there are one million posts about Miley Cyrus on the VMA‘s.
Here is a taste of my feed.…they ranged from:
i never thought i’d see the day when Billy Ray would become the least embarrassing of the Cyrus’ #VMAs
This is the litlle girl I used to watch playing “Hannah Montana”? Even @Drake seems confused.
Am I the only one who is disturbed by this Miley Cyrus performance? #cantwejustpartyintheUSA?
And then went on to:
Loving Robin Thicke’s “Beetlejuice as a rapist” look #VMAs
And then Andrew Johnston chimed in…he is always a delicate flower: 
If anything, this performance by Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus will remind all of to wash our pussies. So, there’s that. #VMAs2013
Even Jian Ghomeshi could not stop himself:
One doesn’t want to pick at easy targets but that Miley Cyrus performance was…simply awful. #VMAs
 
And I added this one, which has nothing to do with Miley and Robin simply because it made me laugh out loud…
Why is Gwyneth Paltrow up there with Lil’ Kim? Is she finally winning an award for the Duets soundtrack? #VMAs
So, of course, I am intrigued…and I start trolling the internet looking for the aforementioned performance…I wanted to get it before MTV had them all taken down due to copyright infringement…and I found this link… which I hope is still up when you read this…just in case you did not see it.
Lord and Taylor.
Jesus Wept.
The babies cried.
Mary fell down.
& The Easter Bunny ran away forever.
What the fuck happened here?
Let us go back in history a bit.
Now, I, like  a lot of Canadian actors had the experience of working on Doc, a TV show that was produced by and starred, Miley’s father, Billy Ray Cyrus back in the 1890’s…yes…the 1890’s.
One of the days I shot on that show, oh so many years ago, it happened to be American Thanksgiving…  and all of the Cyrus family was present on set and very pissed off that we had to shoot on American Thanksgiving... though we were working, shooting and living in Canada.
Hm.
Anyhow,  I met Miley Cyrus that day…and she looked kinda like this…
   
Probably even younger…
Tonight, on the VMA awards, she looked like this….
 

NOT that you can’t change your look or your image…I mean…go for it…but…um…

Huh.

Now, here are just a couple of thoughts that I felt I would like to record… put out there… some things I would like to ask about the Miley Cyrus performance (with a stunned, terrified and ill advised Robin Thicke in the background…with a weirdass suit.).
Some of this may be harsh…but I am still freshly assaulted from the watching and CANNOT stop myself.
So, if you are offended...I kind of apologize. Sort of. 
1. WHY, from the first moment she came onstage, did she have her tongue lolling out of her mouth? Like for the whole time. I wondered if she was trying to capture the auras of all artists around on her taste buds…or just look like a 12 year old at a pajama party dance off…with her tongue lolling out of her mouth.
2. WHY she wear that shimmery pedophiles dream TEDDY…boo, yes it actually was a TEDDY…and flat Walmart Keds knock off sneakers…it is like her stylist was chasing her to the stage with 6 inch heels but Miley was too (insert word here) to hear her…or care…or something…
Her wearing those shoes while she danced made the performance seem even more red- neckyweird…and a touch desperate…or something…
3. Why some people gotta sing (not very well) with a track of themselves from the studio… (singing better… because of computers)…it is just gross.
4. What the fuck is “twerking”? I am too afraid to google it…so it if is something REALLY gross…don’t tell me.
5. AND why Miley dance like Elaine Bennes… scroll up and down…you will see…and if you don’t know who Elaine Bennes is…I just passed out…
 
  
6. What was the foam finger about, what did it have to do with the price of tea in china…and whose stupid idea was it (fired)…BECAUSE it became the symbol, for me, of all that was fucked up about this “performance”. I just kept looking at it and thinking, “Stop sticking that finger in all your places…what place is she gonna stick it in next…maybe in the mouths of the entire Pinkett-Smith family in the front row…sitting there…AGOG. 

TRUE PHOTO, By the way.

7. Why she gotta be so gross with that Robin Thicke…who, as I mentioned earlier…just looked stunned…and terrified…and certain, as Pierce Brosnan was after the first few days of shooting Mamma Mia: The Movie…that he had made a GRAVE ERROR accepting this gig.

8. I looked up TWERKed. Stupid.
 
It was just plain terrifying.

I will never be the same.
What has happened in the world.
I am glad/pooped that I cable down graded… but it is probably for the best.
Dear Miley,  
Please don‘t do that again. Please. 
I liked “Party in the USA”…and…other songs that I can’t remember…but you don’t have to try and be Britney (“Snake Around The Neck” performance)- Gaga (plastic suit like that from Monster Ball Tour) – Xtina (Going from “Genie in a Bottle” to “Dirty” …which XTINA sang the fuck out of) to be awesome. 
AND I am all for getting your freak on!! 
Do what you want!! 
Express yourself…but if you are going to do it  on national TV…maybe rehearse it a little bit? Or even try something new…that these ladies before you have not done…just sayin’….
AND, who am I to say who you should be…but…you don’t need to stick your ass in Robin Thicke’s crotch to be noticed or “avantgarde”…

 
 
 
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