So, I watch the Celebrity Apprentice.
I do…eff you, judgers…I do…and SO does one of Canada’s most respected playwrights.
I can’t tell you who.
I know.
I can’t.
I just can’t.
BUT I can tell you that I saw them at a party and when I went to congratulate them on their latest play they waved their hand in dismissal and then asked if I was going to get another season on Canada Sings.
You could have knocked me over with a feather…and then we went to a corner and we talked Reality TV for an hour.
We BOTH watch Celebrity Apprentice.
I felt fancy…vindicated…and awesome… because that kind of self confidence needs to come from an outside source. 
WHAT!?!? Who said that?  
One of the things I am taking away from this show, the Celebrity Apprentice?…Besides how much I could not stand Gary Busey… lord… even if you have been hit in the head you STILL can’t treat people like shit.…OH, and besides the other fact that Donald Trump is a total douche
How do you like that for a statement?  
I hated the way they both treat and treated Lisa Rinna.
Which brings me to the other thing I learned on the Celebrity Apprentice.
I love Lisa Rinna.
I do.
I think she would be a ton of fun…to have as a best friend…to be a party with…to shop for leather outfits with…did you see the all leather outfit she wore a couple of weeks ago?
If you don’t know her, she was on Days of Our Lives for a million years, Melrose Place for less time…and now she is just working her personality like a part time job.
WHICH you gotta respect.
She is married to Harry Hamlin…
Who, I think, was also a soap star…who cares…they are awesome.
She is a D list celebtity (by hollywood standards…by mine she is a fucking A+) and she is just trying to get shit going on. If she doesn’t get on one of those “the Talk” or “The Chew” or “The View” or “The Poop” shows after this gig I will be greatly disappointed.
My fave things about my gal Lisa?
She DOES NOT TAKE HERSELF seriously at all.
She works hard…as far as I can see…and she has had work done…and owns it and she…she…she..LORD!! I have a girl crush on her.
She would be so much fun on a car trip or at a slumber party.
SOMEONE give this lady a talk show.
Stalking ended.  
I LOVE YOU LISA RINNA!!
Okay, NOW stalking is done.
In other news…this month I have two gigs that I would love to see you out at.
They are both very different…so come to both…RIGHT!?
The Happening: An Evening of Mad Variety
Sunday May 12th at Buddies in Bad Times
8:00pm
 
This is my gig as a simple host and curator…and get-bums-in-seats person. 
I love me the variety and I travel far and wide (on the internet and off) to find you the best mix of awesome talent and storytellers out there!
The first month was awesome…and this month it will be NO different!!!
What do you get when you cross an Opera Singer/ Writer with a Stand Up Comedienne and a Singer/Songwriter with a Rock and Roll Duo…The Happening, People.
 
The incomparable Sharron Matthews (yes, this is from the press release. That is me…you gotta build this shit up, peeps!!!) hosts an exciting evening featuring some of the best, brightest, and potentially wildest artists you’ve ever seen on our cabaret stage.
You never know what is gonna happen. Who you will see. On stage OR in the audience. Or what they will be doing!
Calling all clowns, magicians, comedians, side show acts, monologuists, jugglers, burlesque performers…everyone is welcome! There will be 4 acts curated for the evening and then 2 Wild Card Slots that we will choose from a hat. If you want to perform in the Wild Card slots you come and put your name in the hat…there are two slots for 5-8 minute performances…and this isn’t a ‘bring your party piece’ show… bring your original song, story, act of bravery, dark tale, most amazing trick, beautiful strip, dirtiest joke….any thing is welcome… and all is encouraged.
If you will need accompaniment you gotta bring your own for the Wild Card sets…and if need anything outside of your person…make the set up easy. It will be pay what you can.
ALL WELCOME! See new artist, perform yourself…soak it all in…and come back again and again. It will NEVER be the same way twice.

Artists featured on May 12th:

Wendy Lands

 

 

 
This amazing Juno & two-time Canadian Radio Music Award nominated, Top 20 (charted!) hit singer/songwriter has played ALL OF Canada, people. From Massey Hall to the NAC, from the Cameron House to Montreal’s Upstairs Bar And Grill, and then Wendy Lands ended up in LA for a while penning songs for artists from Melissa Manchester to the Jacksons (yes, THOSE Jacksons). She has released four albums…3 with major music labels and her latest, ‘Mumble’ is her first indie project…and she has been to the Golden Globes, wait…HOW did we get her?!?

Van Abrahams

 
This stunning opera singer was in the original cast of Harold Prince’s ‘Showboat’ and toured the US in ‘Ragtime’. Made his film debut in John Greyson’s Fig Trees as Aids activist Zackie Achmat and is featured in Greyson’s upcoming movie Jericho/Baghdad (2013). This current member of the COC Chorus has played Jim in Porgy and Bess (Bregenz Festspiele), Othello in Third Taboo (Out of the Box Prod.) Don José in Carmen (Summer Opera Lyric Theatre) to name a few roles and will be performing from a piece he wrote called “Songs of Freedom”.

Shelley Marshall

 
Named “Best New Discovery” by Now Magazine and nominated as “Best Female Stand Up” in Canada by the Canadian Comedy Awards. Shelley Marshall is a kaleidoscope of comedic talent – from her World Stand Up tour that took her from South Africa, Spain, Amsterdam, the US and throughout England – to her being the Producer and star of the hit touring show The Full Bawdy Comedy Show – Shelley is an artist that captivates all types of audiences with her brave and bawdy style. Shelley is a graduate of Second City, has been the opening act for two North American tours of Puppetry of the Penis and is thrilled to be bringing to life her one-woman show “Hold Mommy’s Cigarette” this summer. You can also catch Shelley on The Ron James Show and the OWN Network in recent television roles.

Crackpuppy


Patricia Wilson and Drew Rowsome perform acoustically on THIS ONE NIGHT!! Crackpuppy fuses thunderous guitar riffs with soaring melodies to craft a loud, lewd metal-edged roar. “Everything we are and nothing we should be” is the motto of this band who will kick your motherf**kin’ ass and make you like it. Playing live is Crackpuppy’s forte, they love to drive to the edge and dive right over. Nothing is held back. Their first CD, Vintage Porn, captures their raw energy and gutsy bloodlust for the stage; their second, Jesus Mafia, refines their sound while emphasizing the raucous edge. Even though well-trained these puppys still claim their territory.

WHAT A NIGHT IT WILL BE!!!

Sharron and Wendy will be accompanied by Chris Tsujiuchi

Van will be accompanied by Jason White.

GET YOUR TICKETS HERE!!!

http://buddiesinbadtimes.com/event/the-happening-a-mad-night-of-variety/

or CALL 416.975.8555

Tickets are $10.00 in advance and there is a sliding scale at the door…$5, $10 and $15.
It is an amazing night of entertainment and the ENTIRE DOOR is split between the four acts…so pay what you feel!! AND BE GENEROUS!!! 

 
AND COME On OUT WILD CARD ARTISTS!!!
NEXT!
Sharron Matthews: Fun and Casual 
Friday May 31st at the Flying Beaver Pubaret 
9:00pm 
I have loved the last three months of doing this once-a-month gig so much that when Maggie asked me to come down to the Pubaret again…I said, YES, please!!
It is a spontaneous night of cabaret…I plan the songs…that is all…and so I have told some DOOZERS of stories…and had wonderful houses to tell them to.
Every night is a new set of music…not repeaters…unless you might wanna make a special request.
AC/DC?
Beyonce?
Prince?
Who knows?
I love these nights and I don’t know if I can do another…the schedule is kooka…so buy your tickets now!!
ALSO, I am having as a guest…one of my oldest friends and cabaret mentors
Mark Cassius!!
 
Tix $20 advance/$25 door
Available at the Pubaret or online at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/373597

Dinner available before, during, and after the show.
Dinner patrons get priority seating.

E-mail Heather@pubaret.com or call 647.347.6567 for rezzos.
www.pubaret.com
THANK YOU!   

So that is the month!!!
Come on out and support live stuff…and we will laugh… and sing…and dance…and be amazed.
WHY NOT!?!?!? 

          
     
   

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