The week after I finished Canada Sings…by the way did you know the second season of Canada Sings starts Tuesday May 15th @ 10:00pm?…maybe you did…did you also know I am on the internet…hard to believe I know….here is a picture of me laughing with lip gloss on and a tight dress with my fellow coaches, just in case I haven’t shown you a million  picutes already…this girl has got to advertise, people.
Where was I?
Oh ya, so when I finish a big project I like to crawl into a bit of a cave and read books and eat chips and dip…so…that being said I finally thought is was time to read “The Hunger Games”. You gotta love every person I saw reading it…who tried to cover the outside of the book with their hands or even had torn off the cover so no one else would know…when I asked them about the book they would blush and say something like…”Oh, it is fine…I just thought I should read it because…(insert lame response here).” to cover their embarrassment.
Me?
I don’t really give a shit.
I read bodice rippers, fantasy/historical/bodice rippers, supernatural/sword-wielding/vampire bodice rippers…
Whatever tweaks my fancy, as it were…the steamier the  better, people…and I refuse to be embarrassed about it. They are mucho entertaining and don’t require a lot of brain thinking power…or whatever.
So, I bought “The Hunger Games” trilogy on my Kobo and proceeded to devour them.
VERY entertaining…very. 
All of a sudden I became very aware that every girl of a certain age had moved their love from Bella to Katniss Everdeen, the heroine of “The Hunger Games”…which I approve of…although I also devoured the Twilight books (suck it, judgers) and though I liked the torn-between-two-supernatural-hotties Bella…Katniss is kicking ass and taking names, people. You gotta love that in a heroine.
So, I have been waiting for weeks to get to the tiny Stratford Cinema to see the movie…
Sidebar: The Stratford Cinema screens are so small it is like paying someone to watch your own TV with more people. BUT they got the movies.
TONIGHT, George took me to the movies.
I was so fucking excited I could have spit.
We sat down…I gave George his Fiber One Bar and started to unwrap mine…the lights went down…and we were off.
OFF.
I do mean off.
This is a still from the movie.

And I do mean still…if you go to the movie you will never see anything this clear  because, apparently, it was shot on a Flipcam by a drunk.
WHY!?!?!
WHY!?!? 
From the first second the whole screen is filled with jumping angles and shots that move from a close up shot of anyone’s face, to a nostril, a hand, someone’s shoe,then maybe to  a piece of bread.
It is like a bad MTV video for those people who have no focus and have been playing Halo for 3 years straight.
How about showing a whole scene?
In the same angle.
Or two even.
I knew in the first minute that we would have to leave.
I have tried, in the past, to muscl
e through these camera effects but since the horrible “Bourne Supremacy” incident of the early 2000’s and then the subsequent “Wrestler” debacle of a couple of years ago I think it is better to know my limits.
I got the motion sickness.
I was sad.
It looked like it might be good.
Sigh.
I looked around online, because I am inquisitive that way, and it seems like I am not the only one…there are a lot of people who feel the same way as I.
We all sit there when the lights fall down and pray that there was a tripod involved in the filming of whatever movie we have paid 100 dollars to see.
Why.
Why do they do it.
Do they not want all the people to enjoy their stories?
Anyway, George and I came home, he made me Sweet Potato Fries (I put capitals on these words because they were so fucking good) and we watched “Horrible Bosses” on the TMN…which we thought would be super shitty…but we got more than a couple of gut laughs out of it…it was on our own TV and we didn’t have to pay for it or sit behind or in front of a teenager who was either texting or talking…or both. AND Jamie Foxx (remember when he won a fucking Oscar)? was playing a bit character named Motherfucker Jones.
Need I say more?
Night saved.
Thank you, TMN.
BOO on you whoever made Hunger Games.
(Let the hate mail begin.)
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  1. I feel vindicated. I got the motion sickness, too. Like, dizzy-driving-home-puking-stuck-in-bed-for-a day-kind-of-sick.

    Damn you, peer pressure.

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