It was just 2011.
Wasn’t it?
I like to do a year end round up here on the old blog but now that it is 2012…it seems dirty somehow.
Fuck it.
Anyhow, here are just a couple things I was thinking, pondering…having a pause about.

1. It is 8:00am and I don’t know how I ended up on freakin’ Lea Michelle’s fan page.

2. A friend of mine announced they were taking a facebook break…on facebook…and ten seconds later posted…on facebook…that they couldn’t watch the new “Bachelor” because his hair was “all wrong”.

3. I thought about taking a facebook break…and then I laughed and laughed.

4. Dear Weight Watchers, that commercial with Jennifer Hudson singing to herself is terrifying.

5. Dear Weight Loss Industry, I was watching Dick Clark on New Years Rockin’ Eve (lord, help us…that was uncomfortable.) and the first commercial after the ball dropped, and every subsequent commercial after that, and on every station, was about you telling the world that they are fat…and quite possibly lonely. You suck ass.

6. Do you think Ryan Seacrest was created in some kind of pod by Dick Clark to take over his evil empire?

7. Looking back on 2011, and after consulting with my fabu neighbours down the street, Cyrus and Joanne, we all realized that sometimes…Bitches just be Crazy. Shake your head and continue on, people.

8. Scotland is one of my fave places on the total face of the earth…and the rain that falls there requires that you cultivate a resilient spirit and unstoppable sense of humour…and a liver made of iron. That last part was more about the drinking.

9. When you are complaining to someone about how you have to stay up till three in the morning to watch your TV show premiere in Canada, because you have brought your one woman show over to Europe and the time difference sucks…count yourself lucky as hell and shut your piehole.

10. When God (or whoever this might be) closes a door…sometimes he points you towards a window that is painted shut and you have to go and get a butter knife because you cannot find the screw driver and pry that shit open.

11. Under the direst circumstances, sometimes you can learn a lesson…mend an unmendable (why is that not a real word?) friendship…love the experience…and sometimes…in the midst of all this….look back to #7.

12. This summer, I stood in front of my theatre in London (England, people) with Team Jesus, holding my outfit, watching 4 foreign dudes pee into a MOVEABLE urinal…out in the open. Now THAT is progress…wait, OPPOSITE DAY!

13. Not all of the best decisions/choices are the easiest to make.

14. Not all good outcomes are the result of thrilling experiences. Sometimes you just gotta put your head down, muscle through, cry a bit and pretend it was easy…and/or fun.

15. I feel so blessed to have George in my life. I love him like crazy. He is the best person I know. He also knows how to cook and pack a car like a son of a bitch.

16. Hoda and Kathie Lee scare the fuck out of me.

17. When you are over 40, losing weight is fucked.

18. When you are over 40, sometimes you gotta look at yourself and say, “I look good the way I am.”…not discounting any future weight loss…but, man, life IS TOO FUCKING SHORT!!!

19. Elizabeth Hasselbeck is just horrible…(see #7 again.)

20. In 2011 I spent over 2/3 of the year on the road/ traveling or working away from home. I met fabulous people, worked with amazing artists, wrote and performed a new show all over the world, did runs of some of my earlier shows all over Canada, had 3 articles featured in major publications…across the ocean, worked with a new producer who worked his fucking ass off and believed as much as I did, had a young man travel with me and play the piano…and when it was really required…lifted my heart and spirit with laughter and care, did a Reality TV show where people worked their asses off…never said “no” ..and they did it all for charity, executed some things I NEVER thought I was capable of, cried my ass off, met some challenges with a heavy heart, slid down a wall in disbelief when I saw myself on the cover of the Scotsman, never thought I would make it, made it, swam in the Aegean Sea, paid $400.00 for a fucking fish, watched the sun go down everyday for two weeks…with friends and my dearest love, got a pair of Bluntstones and Frye boots (like I had dreamed of for about 10 years), rode down the Thames with G, slow danced with about 25 strangers…from all over the world, was revisited by some of my demons, told said demons to fuck off, played a bird, had a tail, worked with a real…gods honest…amazingly talented clown (and that sound making dude from ‘Police Academy”), had a team, watched her husband be strong, told the dogs they could NOT get up on the bed (and then let them up on the bed), AND thought about doing it all again. 2011 was amazing…it was fucking challenging and hard…it hurt my feeling sometimes…and other times it made my mouth fall open is disbelief….and it was tiring. But it was. And I thank the same god or whatever that shows me to the same painted-shut window over and over again…and I ask if it can just be open every once in a while…if it isn’t too much trouble….no? Alright then.

Hope you all have a wonderful year.

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  1. Love this post!

  2. Love this post!

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