Luminato Closing Party.

Luminato Closing Party.

Spoke Club.

Started with me not knowing anyone…then texting George (trying to look busy and important)…and twittering that if no one showed up that I knew by the count of ten I would take off.

During said count of ten, I tried to strike up a conversation with a couple young blond girls who had Lohan tans and wedgies and TOO FUCKING SHORT dresses and they blew me off like I was an old, drunk lady (it need be said here that I was drinking a free bottle of Smart Water….thanks, Jennifer Aniston.)

You will rue the day, bitches.

Then Scott McVittie found me and entertained me (I was on my way to the exit…wondering how long you had to stay to get the Biotherm swag bag…fancy ..he told me if I stayed all would be well.

He was very right!!!

In the next hour a ton of wonderful people showed up! John, Lorway, Shawn, Matthew, Marla, Derick, Scott, Tyler and Mitchell! Oh how we laughed.

5 Fave Things That Happened at or after the Luminato Closing Night Party

1. I wanted a Diet Coke…and when McVittie found out they were only allowed to serve clear beverages (?) he got on the Blackberry and then went and got me a Diet Coke…made me feel fancy.

2. When a young man asked me if I could be his hag for a moment, I replied ” Baby, there is a long line up in front of you of men who are older, with more money and better stories…so, no.”

3. Standing on the rooftop patio laughing while the wind blew my hair…like I was Beyonce or something.

4. When leaving I said how excited I was that there was a Biotherm swag bag for boys…and they told me I was holding the one for girls…then the woman in charge said “I think we can afford to give Sharron both.”…and I knew my almost-close-to-being-famous-in-a-Canadian-weird-way-but-not-really was FINALLY paying off!

5. King Street on a Saturday Night reminds me why I never went clubbing in my youth.

Straight boys-stop bathing in CK, loosen the crotch pants and figure out that a girl probably won’t fuck you if you stand behind her and tell her how fucking hot her ass is.

Straight Girls-Stop wearing a dress so short I can see the untanned creases at the bottom of your ass cheeks, wedgies or heeled shoes that are so high that you walk like Frankenstein (when did theses shoes STOP being hooker or drag queens shoes exclusively?) and PLEASE stop being so slutty. I mean, to each their own…but have some respect…and don’t fuck the guy who told you how fucking hot your ass was, while he walked behind you.

Good times!

Thank you, Luminato!!!


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  1. hilarious! i was at the party tonight really enjoyed it cool venue and young crowd, your writing made me laugh outloud a few times, im 27 and i agree girls are wearing TOO short these days TOO slutty for sure! hope you had fun in the end though!

  2. RIGHT?!?!?!? I did have a good time!

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